It’s been six weeks (on Tuesday) since my beautiful boy Freddie was born. He has settled really well into our family and he’s just gorgeous. It’s like he’s always been with us and I couldn’t be more proud of how Olly has welcomed his baby brother. But it’s not all rosy, my hormones have been here, there and everywhere and I’ve been putting far too much pressure on myself. I really am my own worst enemy!
It’s been a frustrating couple of weeks as I find myself trying to do too much and expecting a bit much of myself. The real Emma who has just had major surgery and is now a mum of two children versus the Emma, I thought I would be before I had two children is very different!
I’ve been trying to find a routine that works for me, Freddie and the rest of the family but have been failing miserably. We’re still following the usual routine for Olly; getting up at the usual time and having breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth and sorting bags and then out of the house for 8:40am. We want to keep his routine as best we can as he thrives on it and *touch wood* is doing really well in school and the mornings aren’t ‘that’ bad!
But, babies don’t know routines and they don’t feed like robots every four hours on the dot, they feed when they’re hungry and sometimes it can take more time than you expect to feed, wind and settle them pushing your time and routines completely out the window. Last week, I thought I had cracked it and had so much planned but then Freddie was unsettled so picked him up and he threw up all down my new top, down my bra and all over my leggings (yup, still very much in those maternity leggings!) so I had to get showered (because a baby wipe wash wasn’t going to cut it) and get dressed again.
I am feeling and looking huge. I know I’ve just had my baby but I’ve put weight on and I don’t like it. But then I’m still eating rubbish through the day because I’m tired and I need a quick pick me up and I don’t have time to make a decent lunch. I have grand plans to get back on the Slimming World wagon but my motivation is seemingly missing in action (although I hate the way I look, how does that work?) I’m going to try and get moving a bit more next week. I’ve had a bit of a set back with my c-section scar and I carried two big bags of clothes down the stairs and I think I pulled something. It’s still quite sore although the rest of my scar isn’t now so that’s a good thing. So even though I want to do some exercise I need to take it easy and let my body heal. Catch 22.
I’m tired. Having a newborn is tiring and waking up in the middle of the night when you feel like you’ve just dozed off is exhausting. But of course, I wouldn’t swap it for the world, having Freddie in our lives is just the best thing and I love him so much but I’m also tired.. I’m not very good at the whole sleep when your baby sleeps thing. During the day when Freddie sleeps, I sort the washing out, unload and load the dishwasher, try and reply to my blog emails and get all the other little jobs done. Shilts has been really helpful and has done more than his fair share around the house but I feel like I need to do it. There’s only so long I can use the ‘I’ve just had a baby’ excuse!
I guess there’s no real point to this post except that I just need to document how I’m feeling and that it’s actually okay to not feel on top of my game just yet. I think I had forgotten just how much these little people completely turn your world upside down. Just because others appear to have their shit together doesn’t really mean they do! In the wonderful world of social media, there’s actually quite a bit of it that’s hidden, thank goodness for the cute dog filter on instagram stories, that attempts to hide a multitude of sins!
So life with a newborn is wonderful but it’s also exhausting and some days I’m winning by drinking a hot cup of tea before it goes cold and others I’m winning if I’ve washed and dried my hair! One thing I will be reminding myself of from now on is that I won’t get this time back again. Freddie will only be this little now. He’ll soon grow up like his big brother and I don’t want to look back with any regrets. Freddie comes first and the rest will slot into place.