How To Help A Friend Who Is Experiencing Domestic Violence

The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.

It’s never easy finding out a friend is struggling, especially with something as dangerous as domestic violence. However, there are steps you can take to help a friend experiencing domestic violence. Here are a few examples of how to support someone who opens up to you about violence in their relationship:

1. Be Real With Your Friends And Your Followers

When we talk about our family lives with friends, or even our followers, it can be easy to gloss over the tough stuff. Presenting ourselves as living an ideal life may make us feel better in the short term but in the long term— it can push us further away from the resources we need or lead us to feel more isolated in our journeys.

Being open about our struggles not only helps us as individuals— it can help our friends connect with us and feel more comfortable coming forward about what they are going through. You may feel vulnerable discussing things like the stress of managing your weight, a difficult diagnosis, or anxiety during the pandemic but by doing so, you’ll form close connections with others going through similar situations. It could even open up the discussion for someone else to other vulnerable topics, like domestic violence.

1. Be Willing To Listen

If a friend feels comfortable enough to open up to you about domestic violence— take the time to really listen. Their decision to open up about what’s going on is brave and often very nerve-racking. By interrupting with our own experiences or trying to provide solutions, we may inadvertently cause our friends to take a step back or lose their confidence in speaking up.

2. Provide Reassurance

As BetterHelp’s article entitled “How To Help Survivors And Victims Of Domestic Violence” points out, reassuring a victim that they are not at fault can be incredibly important. Often, their abusers have used this behavior to convince a victim they deserve the treatment they are receiving. By providing a domestic violence survivor with reassurance, you may be providing them with a vital self-confidence boost and the strength to take action.

3. Do Your Homework

After your first conversation with a friend about the domestic abuse they are facing, spend some time on your own learning more about domestic violence. Reading through reliable domestic resources can help you better understand what your friend is facing and how you can help. For example, BetterHelp offers a vast array of resources to learn more about the cycles of domestic abuse, the signs of domestic abuse, and how to be an ally for those experiencing domestic abuse.

4. Don’t Be Pushy

You may feel like you are equipped with the resources, knowledge, and strength to help your friend get away from their domestic abuser— but take a deep breath. Your friend has already had their power taken away from them by their abuser. You need to be something different. Your role is to empower.

Rather than tell your friend what to do, spend as much time as they need listening. If they ask for advice, it can be helpful to offer them options and let them know services and support you are able to provide to make this time easier. For example, can they call you any hour of the night to talk… or come pick them up? Are you able to provide them with a place to stay for a few days if they need it? Providing options and limiting demands will help them feel safe coming to you when they are ready to take action.