18 summers

I recently saw a post a friend had shared which said we only have 18 summers with our children and it really made me think. That’s 18 summers of spending good, quality time with our children, filling up their internal memory jars with experiences, adventures and joy. Of course, that’s only 18 summers if they want to spend time with me as we all know what children can be like when the hormones of puberty kick in! 

My boys are growing so quickly, I really don’t want to miss a thing. When people say they don’t stay very little for long, it’s so true. Today my littlest boy turned five months old. It’s crazy how time flies.  This Summer will be Freddie’s first and Olly’s sixth summer and I’m determined it’s going to be a good one. I don’t want to look back and regret not spending time with them. We need to enjoy them whilst they’re this age, seeing the new in everyday things. I remember the first time Olly saw bubbles, he was mesmerised by them. Similarly, Freddie saw them recently for the first time and his little face was intrigued. It’s these things that count.

I can’t wait to explore new places, try out new things and have adventures through the eyes of my children. Just today, we had a free afternoon in the diary and the sun was shining so we hopped into the car and drove to our local airport for a spot of plane spotting. Olly loved it. We got to see a double decker airbus (A380) take off on route to Dubai (jammy sods!) and he was so chuffed he saw it take off and glide away into the clouds. I know that in weeks, months and possibly years to come he’ll look back and say “Mummy, do you remember when?” and that’ll make me smile!

Since Freddie came along, I’ve gained a bit of weight and my self-confidence has plummeted because I’m not too keen on my reflection but I refuse to let that get in the way of the time I spend and the activities I do with my boys. I don’t want to not wear the swimming costume and not take my son swimming in fear of someone laughing at my mum tum or my wobbly legs. I don’t want to not wear the dress on a day out in fear of me looking a little bit fat. My boys see me all the time (in all my unbrushed, unfiltered glory) and to them, I am still beautiful (Olly’s words not mine, bless him) I’m just their Mum.

Last week when we were in Norfolk, I decided I needed to change my outlook. It’s true that in order to see change you need to make change so I bought some nice summer dresses, some floaty trousers and a few tops that were way out of my comfort zone but I liked them and so did Shilts (he will tell me if something looks good or shit on me so that’s usually a good indicator of whether it suits me or not!) I am loving the body positivity that is filling my social media timelines at the moment and although I’m not confident enough to post a full body shot on social media, I don’t want to waste time, look back and regret not enjoying my summer because I covered up too much and wore something that made me sweat! Today, I wore a dress because I wanted too. It was a warm day and I knew that if I wore jeans (again) I’d end up too warm and grumpy. So I wore a dress and I loved it and guess what, nobody died (or batted an eyelid in my direction!) Today I took a huge leap out of my safe zone and embraced what I had.

I know my self-confidence needs work and I know I’m fat but I’m working on it. I don’t want to spend time hating myself for being fat because in my eyes there are a lot worse things to be. So whilst I’m working on myself for my future, my self and my boys, I’m going to step out of the comfort zone a little bit more and enjoy life whilst I can. Here’s to one of our many summers and all that it may be!