This post has been tumbling through my mind for a few weeks now. I vowed earlier in the year to get back on track with Slimming World as not to waste all my hard work in previous years and here I am, mid-April heavier than I have been in a long time and I don’t like it, one little bit.
I gain weight very easily. Be it my genetics, my hormones or my fondness for chocolate and pizza I’ve always been a plus size woman and as much as I want to lose the weight, I fear I will always be bigger than the norm.
Since Freddie’s arrival, I have found the adjustment from one child to two much harder work than I (naively) anticipated. Not that any of my weight gain is my children’s fault at all, it’s mine, but I’m a strong believer in that when you want to lose weight and as much as you need to, your head needs to be in the game too. You need to be in the right frame of mind and dedicate a lot of time to it to get to where you need to be.
At the moment, as desperate as I am to start losing the weight, I’m also very conscious of being present for Freddie. I hate the gym and can’t afford it on my maternity pay. He’s only going to be little once and I don’t want to waste any precious time with him. He needs my attention and its only right that he deserves every second of it. Having said all that, I want to be around for him for a long time and I know that my health isn’t the best at the moment so need to sort my head out and get back to it.
But I wish it was easy. I’ve written before about getting back on track with Slimming World. It’s a plan that I know works and works well but I’m not sure I have the time to spend cooking from scratch. There are some days when Freddie doesn’t want to be put down and I grab something quick from the kitchen. Unfortunately my grab and go foods have been all the wrong foods and my lack of exercise (due to my own laziness, tiredness, rubbish weather and c-section recovery) has taken its toll. I can’t really afford the monthly fees and don’t have much time to attend the group sessions, as much as I miss my old group I’m not sure it works with my boys at the moment.
So I guess I’m writing all this here, and in some odd way my blog has gone full circle (it started out as a weightloss blog back in 2008) because I know I need to lose weight. I can see it, I can feel it and I don’t like it. If I write it down for the world to see then I’m shaming myself into doing something positive about it. I feel ashamed that people visit this blog for recipe ideas and SW inspiration as I once was an inspiration to some losing over 5 stone, look at me now, I’m anything but that.
Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. Time to do something about how I’m feeling and make a conscious effort to try and lose this weight for me. We’ve had a food shop delivered this evening and I’ve tried to order healthier foods that I know are on plan and will help me lose weight. I’ve been to Boots and stood on the scales and got weighed (that was not pleasant!) so I know exactly where I am weight wise. I’m going to write everything down that I eat and although the syn values for things have changed recently, I’m going to try my best to stick to plan as best as I can with Freddie in tow.
With the weather looking brighter, I’ve ordered myself a new coat so I’ll have appropriate clothing to go walking in. Freddie can sleep and I can walk. Plan made!
First target is to lose one of many stone, perhaps drop a dress size and reduce the size of my triple chins! I’ll weigh in at Boots in a months time (16th May) to see how I’m doing. I need to do this for me, for my children and for my ever plummeting confidence!
Wish me luck!