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Having two children five years apart

When I announced my pregnancy just a couple of weeks ago it didn’t even cross my mind whether people would form an opinion about me having my children five years apart. To a stranger, they might see me as a thirty-something Mum with a four year old and one on the way. They might see me as someone who didn’t want another child, or someone who was comfortable with their current family make up, just the three of us. If you know me, you’ll know me that this couldn’t have been any further from the truth.

Back in 2015, when Olly had just turned two, we began to think about having another baby. I was incredibly broody but had worries about bringing another baby into the world. I was much heavier back then, my weight had a huge impact on my health, we weren’t financially comfortable by any stretch of the imagination and I felt enormous guilt that my in-laws were looking after Olly all day whilst we both went out to work to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food in the cupboards.

Although I knew we would probably have difficulties conceiving again, I never imagined how hard it would be the second time around. I never imagined it would be so difficult to get the backing and support of health professionals. Asking for help from someone who had the power to write a letter to the local hospital, but didn’t want to help because it wasn’t procedure. I never imagined the life of a possible second baby was being held back by procedure.

Fourteen months later, we finally got a referral to the fertility clinic at Birmingham Women’s Hospital and had to wait another four months for the appointment to come through. With every passing month that came and went, my heart sank further when my body felt like it was failing in what should be the most natural thing in the world.

Falling pregnant naturally once again after a long battle to conceive is an absolute blessing. I feel so incredibly lucky that I don’t have to go through any other infertility procedures or the heartache of IVF that some of my friends have had to endure. I feel so incredibly lucky that in January, just five months away, my beautiful four year old will hopefully become a big brother and will shower love and affection to his little baby brother or sister. I am so, so excited to become a Mama of two. For my son to have a sibling to share adventures with and to watch them build a lifelong bond that will keep them together forever. For my son to have someone else to talk to and play with. To laugh and giggle with and comfort when they’re upset.

So no, in all honesty, I’m not worried about the five year age gap. In an ideal world, I would have conceived two years ago when we first started to try again and I’d have two children under the age of four but life doesn’t work out that way. We’re embracing the age gap, Olly has offered to share his bedroom and ‘shush the baby down’ during the night of which I am so proud of him. He can’t wait to be a big brother and I can’t wait to be a Mama of two.

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15 Comments

  • Reply Jaime Oliver

    I have ten years between Beth and Joshua and felt immensely guilty by it but I have to say she made an amazing big sister and Joshua who is 5 years older than his baby brother Jacob is already following suit being an ace sibling.

    I have no doubt Olly will be amazing! x

    23/07/2017 at 1:31 pm
    • Reply Emma

      I really don’t think age is an issue with siblings, just to have a sibling is incredible! I think your two boys are fab together xx

      23/07/2017 at 2:01 pm
  • Reply Beth @ Twinderelmo

    There’s 4 and a half years between Charlie and my girls and we’ve found it to be a lovely lovely age gap. When they were : months old he started school and he had his own thing going on and it meant I had time alone with the girls. For me, it was perfect and if I could do it again I’d have the same age gap as he’s such a help.

    23/07/2017 at 1:59 pm
    • Reply Emma

      That is lovely to read Beth, I’m sure olly will exactly the same as your Charlie with offers of help xx

      23/07/2017 at 2:03 pm
  • Reply Wave to Mummy

    The age gap between me and my brother was 8 years… Apparently he would not have been born had I not pestered my parents for a year about a sibling! From my experience, I think even bigger age gaps work – you will be able to rely much more on the older child’s help and it might be calmer too with one a bit older. I’m sure it will go well :)

    23/07/2017 at 2:49 pm
  • Reply Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too

    I have a four year age gap between Roo and Tigger, then a five year age gap between Tigger and Piglet. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned however the age gap works well for us.

    23/07/2017 at 3:32 pm
  • Reply Justine

    Honestly why do people feel the need to form an opinion on other folks family set up is beyond me! Strangers presume Holly and Max have a different dad because of the age gap between the younger two and everyone presumes we need to buy a TV because we have four kids

    23/07/2017 at 3:47 pm
  • Reply JTMAT

    This is very similar to me, it took us 2 years to conceive Flynn and there is almost 5 1/2 years between Scarlett and Flynn. I’ve had people ask (in front of them) if they have the same Dad which I find really rude!

    23/07/2017 at 3:49 pm
  • Reply youmeandteddy

    The 4 year gap this time round means I can actually appreciate the experience. Everything happens for a reason. I’m sure Olly will be an amazing big brother. X

    23/07/2017 at 4:08 pm
  • Reply Clare nicholas

    I hate that people even feel the need to voice an opinion on other people’s lives.

    What does it matter to them. Nosey busybodies!

    23/07/2017 at 5:20 pm
  • Reply Kelly | To Become Mum

    There’s just so much pressure and things to worry about being a parent,isn’t there? And most of it is silly. I was an only child and was very happy and hubs was the eldest of three with six and a half years between him and his brother, eight and a half between him and his sister. Who says that if they are younger they will always settle into it more? You don’t know what a second child will be like or how your other child or you as parents will feel until it happens and whenever it does, it’s right for you and you can make it work.

    23/07/2017 at 9:11 pm
  • Reply acornishmum

    Age gaps don’t matter at all, regardless of whether they were planned or otherwise. The new baby will be coming home to lots of love and a big brother who will always look out for them, perfect then I’d say.

    Stevie x

    23/07/2017 at 9:23 pm
  • Reply Plutonium Sox Blog (@PlutoniumSox)

    I think it will be a lovely age gap, you will have a brilliant little helper in Ollie and he will be an amazing big brother. There’s an 18 year age gap between me and my little bro but I love him. Just don’t tell him that, it’ll go to his head.
    Nat.x

    23/07/2017 at 10:24 pm
  • Reply Steven Wood

    Congratulations ☺

    24/07/2017 at 5:49 pm
  • Reply Hannie

    As I commented on Twitter, I know someone who is a Mum of four and there’s nearly 20 years between the very eldest and very youngest. Even though Our Sidekick is our foster son I’m sure there are people out there who judge me – probably think that Our Sidekick is mine too and came from a different dad to Jaxon or something like that. People do immediately judge and it’s not fair – they don’t know our history.

    Mamma I’m so excited for you – congratulations again and I’m so excited to meet Baby Girl or Baby Boy when they arrive. Have a lovely day sweetheart!

    24/07/2017 at 8:19 pm
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