When I announced my pregnancy just a couple of weeks ago it didn’t even cross my mind whether people would form an opinion about me having my children five years apart. To a stranger, they might see me as a thirty-something Mum with a four year old and one on the way. They might see me as someone who didn’t want another child, or someone who was comfortable with their current family make up, just the three of us. If you know me, you’ll know me that this couldn’t have been any further from the truth.
Back in 2015, when Olly had just turned two, we began to think about having another baby. I was incredibly broody but had worries about bringing another baby into the world. I was much heavier back then, my weight had a huge impact on my health, we weren’t financially comfortable by any stretch of the imagination and I felt enormous guilt that my in-laws were looking after Olly all day whilst we both went out to work to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food in the cupboards.
Although I knew we would probably have difficulties conceiving again, I never imagined how hard it would be the second time around. I never imagined it would be so difficult to get the backing and support of health professionals. Asking for help from someone who had the power to write a letter to the local hospital, but didn’t want to help because it wasn’t procedure. I never imagined the life of a possible second baby was being held back by procedure.
Fourteen months later, we finally got a referral to the fertility clinic at Birmingham Women’s Hospital and had to wait another four months for the appointment to come through. With every passing month that came and went, my heart sank further when my body felt like it was failing in what should be the most natural thing in the world.
Falling pregnant naturally once again after a long battle to conceive is an absolute blessing. I feel so incredibly lucky that I don’t have to go through any other infertility procedures or the heartache of IVF that some of my friends have had to endure. I feel so incredibly lucky that in January, just five months away, my beautiful four year old will hopefully become a big brother and will shower love and affection to his little baby brother or sister. I am so, so excited to become a Mama of two. For my son to have a sibling to share adventures with and to watch them build a lifelong bond that will keep them together forever. For my son to have someone else to talk to and play with. To laugh and giggle with and comfort when they’re upset.
So no, in all honesty, I’m not worried about the five year age gap. In an ideal world, I would have conceived two years ago when we first started to try again and I’d have two children under the age of four but life doesn’t work out that way. We’re embracing the age gap, Olly has offered to share his bedroom and ‘shush the baby down’ during the night of which I am so proud of him. He can’t wait to be a big brother and I can’t wait to be a Mama of two.