Finding my focus, my infertility struggle


Emma and Olly

As a Mama to one beautiful little boy, I know I am incredibly lucky. I thank my lucky stars pretty much every day that we have him and our lives are much richer with him in it.

When my husband and I decided to try for our first baby nearly six years ago, we never imagined in our wildest dreams how difficult it would be and we’d face infertility head on. We never imagined we would have to struggle to see those two pink lines show up on a pregnancy test. As a teenager and young adult, it’s drummed into you how irresponsible it is to have unprotected sex and you spend so many years preventing a pregnancy that when you finally decide to go for it to start your family, it’s devastating when it doesn’t happen straight away / three months / six months / a year or more down the line.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome (PCOS) six years ago and as a married lady in her late twenties who was desperate to start a family, to say it was a bit of a blow was an understatement. Given that I have an underactive thyroid too, our chances of conception were pretty low and we were staring infertility head on. Luckily with medication to help combat my PCOS and losing quite a substantial amount of weight, after two and a half years of trying, we fell pregnant and were blessed with our little boy.

Three and a half years on from Olly’s birth, we have been trying for our much wanted last piece of our family puzzle for twelve long months. We both knew it might not be easy to conceive easily again but having had one baby, I had hoped my ovaries had righted themselves and it would be much easier the second time around. How wrong we were!

I wrote back in January how difficult we were finding the process and again in May, after nine months of trying, I was struggling to comprehend the struggle we were having. It’s not been an easy few months but just last week after our twelfth month of trying failed, I’ve decided enough is enough and with the help of a friend, used the NICE (NHS) guidelines to our advantage and asked for a referral to a specialist.

The NICE guidelines suggest that ‘women aged 36 years or over and people with a known clinical cause or history of predisposing infertility factors should be offered an earlier referral (before 1 year) because of the impact of these factors on fertility.’ Given that my doctor previously wasn’t clued up on these back in May, I’m delighted that the different doctor I saw last week was and has agreed to refer me based on the NICE guidelines.


I know it’s a paperwork shuffling exercise now for a while but I’m hopeful that it won’t take too long for a referral to come through. One thorn in my side (as it was last time we were trying) is my weight. I’m still above the recommended weight for the fertility drug Clomid, which luckily we didn’t need last time but I know my weight will be mentioned again as a barrier if we need it.

So my focus is now clear. I need to lose weight and get under the recommended weight just in case, Clomid is mentioned. Of course, I need to lose the weight for other reasons but this is now my focus and I know what I need to do. There’s a magic number in my head of what I need to lose before November and I’m hopeful that it can be done with determination and focus.

Why November? November is only three months away and I think I’m being realistic to think this is when I can expect an appointment. I’d love one sooner but I’ve been down this road before and had the patronising nutrition sessions to encourage me to eat more healthily (yup, seriously!) so I know what I need to do. No messing around, no sneaky eating, more exercise, less faffing around.

Thirty four pounds (or 2st 6lb) to go..

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  • Reply Beth @ Twinderelmo 21/08/2016 at 8:41 pm

    Good luck Emma. It’s clear to see how much you want & really deserve this so I hope that the referral comes through quickly. And your IG is showing how focused you are on SW. You can do this Mrs xxxxx

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 8:50 pm

      Thank you SO much Beth, I can’t think of anything else I want more xx

  • Reply Toni 21/08/2016 at 8:49 pm

    You can do it xx

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 8:51 pm

      Cheers Sid x

  • Reply Jo Wiggins 21/08/2016 at 8:52 pm

    My heart goes out to you. I too have struggled and I’ve just had a baby boy after 5 1/2 years of struggle. I wish you all the very best on your future journey, I truly do. If you’d like to read my infertility struggle then you can at and I’m hoping you might take strength from it X

  • Reply Sarah 21/08/2016 at 8:55 pm

    Hi Emma,

    I just wanted to wish you all the best in your fertility journey. I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovaries last year and I have some idea of what you’re going through.
    We had IUI treatment last year and on our second try we got pregnant with our gorgeous daughter Callie.
    I just wanted to let you know that if it does get to that point that it’s possible and worth every second of heartbreak.
    Lots of love,
    Sarah, Jenny & Callie

  • Reply Claire yarnall 21/08/2016 at 9:00 pm

    You can do it, I know how much this means to you

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 9:03 pm

      Thanks Claire, nothing else I want more at the moment x

  • Reply Emily 21/08/2016 at 9:11 pm

    You can do this. You’re such a determined person, and seriously have inspired me on your weight loss journey already. Have you ever considered the thinking slimmer slimpods as I found these so helpful last year and also very good motivationally to listen to, I’ll be back to listening to them soon myself. Xx

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 9:28 pm

      Thanks for your kind words Emily, no I haven’t used them but will consider them for added boost! xx

  • Reply Confessions of a New Mummy 21/08/2016 at 9:24 pm

    I can’t think of anyone else I know as focused as you and I’m certain that you can do it. Wishing you lots of luck for getting to that magic number xx (As a side note, can I ask what medication you were given for the PCOS?)

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 9:26 pm

      Thank you Kate, I was on metformin for a while which I think helped. The gynae consultant said it can be a placebo drug but I’m pretty sure it helped us xx

  • Reply Farmerswifeandmummy 21/08/2016 at 9:34 pm

    Oh you sound so motivated. I am sure you will do it. I have pcos and never thought I’d have any children. You will get there. Losing weight myself was all that was needed to conceive good luck, I will be following your journey x

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:10 pm

      Thank you Emma that’s positive to hear xx

  • Reply clare nicholas 21/08/2016 at 10:02 pm

    That’s fab news darling.
    You can do it on the weight loss, you’ve done amazingly and you are so determined

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:08 pm

      Thank you Clare, I’m so relieved but determined now x

  • Reply Nicola Simmons 21/08/2016 at 10:25 pm

    It’s clear how much this means to you. And losing weight for Clomid (potentially!) Is something to focus on. Step by step. It sucks. I also have PCOS but ended up getting pregnant naturally and my fear is that next time around it won’t be so easy. I wish you all the best in TTC and your fertility journey.

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:12 pm

      Thank you so much Nicola, every woman is different so fingers crossed for you in the future too x

  • Reply Stacey Guilliatt 21/08/2016 at 10:27 pm

    Good luck lovely, you can do this x

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:05 pm

      Thank you Stacey xx

  • Reply Donna 21/08/2016 at 10:38 pm

    When you announce a pregnancy, which I am sure you will at some point, I will be so happy for you. Happy doesn’t cut it, it will make my year. I am rooting for you all with this Em. You can do it! x

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:07 pm

      Aww thank you Donna, yours and mine too xx

  • Reply Colette 21/08/2016 at 10:48 pm

    You can do it love. Xxx

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:05 pm

      Thanks Colette xx

  • Reply Jo Laybourn 21/08/2016 at 11:07 pm

    You can definitely lose that weight Emma and I’m hopeful that one day you’ll have that 2nd much longed for baby. Wishing you all the luck in the world x

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:11 pm

      Thank you so much Jo xx

  • Reply Emma Chanagasubbay 21/08/2016 at 11:16 pm

    Good luck with it all!
    My daughter who is 19 was diagnosed with PCOS last year and as a mum of five my heart is already breaking at the thought of her struggling to convince in the future.
    Knowing that you have managed to convince already gives me hope for her future.
    Good luck again x

    • Reply Emma 21/08/2016 at 11:30 pm

      Thank you so much Emma, I really hope your daughter doesn’t struggle in the future x

  • Reply Zara 22/08/2016 at 7:02 am

    I can’t ever begin to imagine how you feel or even the position you’re in and I won’t pretend to either, but reading this broke my heart for you. This will happen, I wish and pray it for you (all 3 that is)
    I witnessed my mother personally go through the ins and outs of endometriosis. She struggled to conceive her third and she always wanted an even number, so when it came to wanting a 4th it was a no go. To have her hear the words (this was the 80s mind) ‘you’re barren’ haunted her for many years but she counted every blessed star that she had 3 happy, healthy children. I’ve also witnessed women personally go through the likes of IVF with the payout so very worth it – one was even lucky enough to be blessed with identical twins which were two different races! Amazingly crazy, amazingly blessed!
    Whatever way you complete your family does not matter – what matters is love, commitment and strength and I believe you all have it – you will smash your targets easily and I know you will being the strong woman you are. Olly is a blessing and asset to you both, he’s a fab guy and I wish you all the very best in this journey together!
    Good luck and baby dust dust dust – you can have all of my dust!

    • Reply Emma 22/08/2016 at 9:04 pm

      Thank you Zara, you’re so lovely xxx

  • Reply Papa Tont 23/08/2016 at 6:09 am

    Oh Emma, you have so got this. The reason I know you’ll succeed is you have a purpose. You’re not losing weight because you think it’s what society wants you to do, you’re doing it for a much more significant and personal reason. If ever you feel like cheating, or you feel like quitting just read this blog post to yourself. I really hope your referral goes well, and in the meantime just enjoy all the practice baby making sessions with the Mr

  • Reply Plutonium Sox 24/08/2016 at 5:31 pm

    Good luck with it all Emma, you’re taking such a sensible approach to everything that I’m sure it will work out fine. And I just thought you’d like to know that I was a little bit shocked at the title – I read it as your ‘infidelity struggle’ I thought blimey, that’s a bit candid ;)

    • Reply Emma 24/08/2016 at 9:31 pm

      Ha ha that made me chuckle Nat, thank you x

  • Reply Tracey Williams 26/08/2016 at 11:05 pm

    I just wanted to send you lots of love and hugs. I can tell you are a determined lady and you WILL do this Emma. I really hope you get the news you want real soon. Hugs xx

    • Reply Emma 27/08/2016 at 12:16 am

      You’re so kind thank you Tracey, much appreciated xx

  • Reply Jaime Oliver 28/08/2016 at 8:14 am

    I am sending you the biggest hugs in the world lovely and i am so hoping those lines appear soon for you guys xxx

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