As much as I would love to be announcing our second pregnancy, it’s not happening and it’s making my heart ache. In December, I knew that my period would likely to arrive on or around Christmas Eve. So you can imagine that heart sinking feeling I had as I knew that it wasn’t our month again on Christmas Eve (Happy friggin’ Christmas to me eh, what a gift!)
When we decided to go for it and try for our much wanted second baby, we were excited. We both want a baby brother or sister for Olly, he adores other children and would be the best big brother ever with his caring personality. We don’t want him to be an only child. We want him to have someone to grow up with, someone to play with and have adventures with. As much as we can do that with him, we both know the bond of having a sibling and we would really love him to have that.
We had heard that second baby’s are easier to conceive, after all your body knows what to do now it’s been through one successful pregnancy and if it can happen once, it can happen again. In my previous pregnancy with Olly I was about a stone lighter than I am now so I know I need to lose more weight. I’m so conscious of being overweight, I don’t think I’m strong enough to go to the Gynecologists again just yet as I know what they will say and I don’t want to hear it.
Having PCOS doesn’t usually bother me. I can handle the painful heavy periods, I can handle plucking unsightly ‘billy goat gruff’ hairs out of my chin every so often. But I can’t handle the not-knowing. The not-knowing if we’ll ever be a family of four is gut wrenching!
So here we are, six months down the line and still no sign of those two pink lines. My stomach is bloated and I am aching. Aching for the month that’s passed with no success and I’m upset. I know it’s my hormones playing games with me. I want to bite the head of the Lindt chocolate bear I had in my advent calendar but I know if I do, the scales won’t like me so I’m not going to do it. I want to but I won’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel incredibly lucky that I have Olly. He is our pride and joy, I am immensely proud of the little boy he’s growing into and I thank my lucky stars every day that he’s with us. He’ll be three next month and starting nursery in September, where does the time go?
So another month has passed, another month into our trying to conceive journey and I’m praying that we don’t have to wait much too much longer to complete our little family.