I’m a Mom With Anxiety and Here Is How I Cope // Guest Post

Guest Post

Few things in life are more interesting than being a mom with an anxiety disorder. When my little one’s bus arrives five minutes late, I panic that they had an accident. Those spring sniffles could indicate a new COVID-19 variant. However, I don’t want to instill my often baseless fears in my little ones, making them terrified of the world. I want them to embrace a spirit of healthy curiosity, exploring, albeit safely. Here’s how I cope as a mom with anxiety.

I Got Mindful About My Symptoms

One of the most useful tips my therapist ever gave me was becoming mindful of how my physiological reactions influence my mental state and vice-versa. For example, people who have experienced trauma often have an overactive HPA axis, setting off a biochemical storm in their bodies when they encounter a stressor.

Knowing this reminds me to slow down and do a mindful body scan when I catch myself spiraling into panicky thoughts. Interoception refers to how your physiological processes influence your mental state. You might not even realize that something triggered you — but your brain interprets your resulting racing heart and sweaty palms as a reason to panic.

The best way to practice mindfulness is through a yoga practice, helping me tune into my bodily sensations and their impact on my mental state. Pro-tip: I use my routine to teach my kids a healthy way to deal with “big feelings,” too. We regularly hit the mat together, where they breathe like Darth Vader and round their cats like scared Halloween kitties. I’ve even noticed my eldest doing deep breathing exercises independently when she feels stressed.

I Schedule Self-Care

Being a mom is more than a full-time job. It’s 24/7, and you never get a sick day. Taking a solo vacation? Some mamas might have the luxury, but I’ll have to wait until my littles reach 18, barring a miracle.

However, I don’t neglect myself simply because a weekend at the spa is out of the question. I get savvy with my DIY skills, saving money and pampering myself in the comfort of home. You can do the same.

The first thing you have to do is kick the foolish notion that taking time for yourself is selfish to the curb. Without adequate time to focus on what you love, you’ll resent the duties you hold to everyone else. That can lead to relationship problems and career burnout that lands you in the unemployment line.

I schedule a half hour each day to devote to myself, whether relaxing in a bubble bath, reading a novel or taking a solo mindfulness walk. Once a week, I’ll give myself a longer time slot to do something that stirs my passions, like two hours on a Saturday to work on my book or redo my vegetable patch.

I Delegate

Heads’ up, fellow mamas. If you’re not making enough time for self-care, is it because your partner isn’t doing their portion of the housework? Women still do the lioness’ share of household chores, clocking in for two extra hours of unpaid labor each day. No wonder so many of us feel exhausted and overwhelmed.

Therefore, I delegate — and I don’t let myself pick up the slack for others in my household. My refrigerator holds a master chore chart complete with magnets to indicate what has been done and what hasn’t. Each family member is responsible for rinsing their dishes and putting them in the washer, making their bed and at least one other community chore like cleaning the bathroom. While one of us might lend another a hand during crunch time, we share the load equally for the most part.

I Learned to Say No

Although I didn’t up and quit during the Great Resignation, I did spend time in mindful reflection, realizing my work-life balance wasn’t what it could be. I’ve always wanted to excel at work but striving to do too much left me at risk of burnout.

Therefore, I learned how to say no — politely and professionally, of course. I’m straightforward when approached with a request I can’t reasonably handle, explaining that I already have a lot on my plate. If the person asking for help is my boss, I’ll ask them what they want me to remove from my priority list to make room for a new assignment. If it’s a colleague, I might offer a lifeline, suggesting other ways I can help besides tackling the entire project.

I Nurture My Physical Self

Remember how the mind and body share an intricate link? I’ve learned that neglecting my physical health impacts my mental state. For example, even one alcoholic beverage increases my anxiety levels the next day, so I’ve learned to mix up tasty mocktails that make me feel a part of the “big kids” table without the nasty side effects.

I also pay attention to my nutritional needs, opting for whole foods whenever possible. I eat plenty of nuts and seeds for the neuroprotective magnesium, selenium and zinc. The lignans in flax, sunflower seeds and pepitas also help balance my hormones, calming my psyche. Plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables ensure I get the vitamins and other phytonutrients my brain needs to make various neurotransmitters and protect my mental state.

Coping as a Mom With Anxiety

Being a mom with anxiety can be fun. Every hiccup in your child’s life can make your heart grow hooves and gallop around your chest like a rabid steed. However, my tips for coping as a mom for anxiety have allowed me to manage my little one’s inevitable ups and downs. I hope they will help you, too.