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The one where I admit to feeling a bit…weird!

Have you ever just felt not quite right? Like you’re over worrying about something and feel completely anxious and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to help it. Yup, that’s me!

Ever since I fell down some stairs at home with Little Mr when he was about 10 weeks old, I get an image in my head that I can’t get out. I keep imagining him being dropped and it’s really starting to panic me. It doesn’t matter how careful I am or how tightly I hold him, I still feel like I’m going to drop him. I know I won’t but that doesn’t stop me feeling anxious about it. I’m even worrying about other people dropping him. It’s been keeping me awake at night and I lie there worrying about it.

I’ve also developed insomnia and I just can’t drop off to sleep. The last time I had insomnia was when I was in my final weeks of my uni course and writing my final project up. I combatted that period of insomnia with ear plugs but they’re not an option now with Little Mr, although he’s sleeping through and we’ve not heard a peep out of him since being in his own room, I really can’t take the chance of not hearing him.

I’m feeling a lot more positive about myself. I’ve had my hair cut and coloured, I’ve bought some new clothes and I like them, I feel like myself in them. I’m not happy with my weight but with regular walks and limited goodies, I’m hoping I can make a difference. I’m never going to be a size 10 but if I seriously want more children in the future I need to lose weight. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. I definitely don’t want Little Mr to be an only child. I want him to have a brother or sister to play with so when the time is ready to try again I need to be in tip top condition.

I’m not really sure what I can do about my insomnia or my anxiety of dropping Little Mr. I need to trust myself more, the trip down the stairs was an accident and Little Mr wasn’t hurt, I need to relax. If you’ve got any advice I’d really welcome it.

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4 Comments

  • Reply Lauren

    This is so so normal. I know it doesn’t feel it, but you’re not alone in feeling like this.
    I am going to private message you about it but wanted to offer you support here too.
    Hug xx

    14/06/2013 at 11:07 pm
    • Reply mrsshilts

      Thank you Lauren, I appreciate that xx

      14/06/2013 at 11:12 pm
  • Reply Gemma

    I had a period of not being able to sleep much when my little girl was born and then again when she went into her own room. When she was born her temperature was low so the midwives put her in a cardigan, a warming cot and also put a hat on her head. On our first night home I had dropped off for half an hour and woke up to find her hat over her head, because the midwives in hospital insisted she had a hat on it never occurred to me to not put it on. Ever since then I have woken up several times a night to check she has nothing over her face. She only has a comforter in her cot and she is 8 months old but I still panic. I used to wake up and tell my OH to get off her face.

    I do feel as she’s got older and stronger I worry less and trying to be rational about it all helps. I know she is healthy, I do my best and the one thing I am scared of (cot death) is fortunately very rare.

    16/06/2013 at 11:09 am
    • Reply mrsshilts

      I can see why you’d panic. I’m really cautious with what Little Mr goes to bed with, he’s put in his sleeping bag so he can’t pull up anything over his face and there’s nothing within arms reach that he can grab, except for Ewan the dream sheep but he’s pretty safe.

      Thank you for sharing your experience xx

      16/06/2013 at 1:26 pm

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