Last night I had a wobble (in the tears and sobbing sense of the word, not the fat fighter one) and I’m not really sure where it came from. I’d been trying to get my hands on a ticket to the Tots100 BlogSummit which was happening today and I’d missed out on tickets as they were pretty much hot property as soon as they got released. By chance, I’d looked on the event page to see there were two available tickets so I checked with hubby that he’d be okay to look after Little Mr and I managed to bag a ticket. I was so chuffed, I’d managed to get a ticket to the event and could mingle with fellow bloggers and twitter friends. How exciting?
An hour later, I was pottering about in the kitchen and all of a sudden, there were tears! What on earth did I think I was doing? Signing up to go to an event where I don’t know anyone and where networking is part of the event. It seems really silly now but I’d had a look at the names on the attendees list and I’d recognised quite a few so knew I’d be okay but I just panicked! What if they didn’t want to talk to me? What if I stumbled over my words and went bright red when I spoke? What if they think my blog is silly and boring? (even if you think it is, please don’t tell me!) You get the picture. Hubby came in and was quite shocked as to why I was upset.
I think it all comes down to the fact that since being on maternity leave I seem to have lost my confidence. I don’t see lots of people everyday, I might communicate with them via twitter and Facebook but I don’t actually see many people to speak to during the day. I seem to be constantly worrying about what other people think of me and I’ve got a real downer about myself. Yes, I’ve just had a baby but that’s no real excuse for gaining so much weight! I need a good hair cut and my colour needs sorting. I’ve got natural highlights coming through and my roots are shocking. I’m not sure what it is, not for one minute do I think it’s PND. I’m probably just paranoid.
When I’m with Little Mr, I’m his Mummy and I love it. But being on my own I seem to have lost my identity. I’m not sure what clothes to wear or what make up to put on. I feel a bit lost!
Turns out Little Mr was poorly through the night and I had about an hours sleep resulting in me not being able to attend the BlogSummit today but my wobble last night has had me thinking all day. I’m really gutted I missed the event as it looked like a great day. I’m currently in talks with a sponsor for BritMumsLive and hopefully I can reveal all soon. I really hope I can pull myself together for then.
Has anyone else had wobbles of confidence post baby? Can you give me any advice?