Having a wobble!


Last night I had a wobble (in the tears and sobbing sense of the word, not the fat fighter one) and I’m not really sure where it came from. I’d been trying to get my hands on a ticket to the Tots100 BlogSummit which was happening today and I’d missed out on tickets as they were pretty much hot property as soon as they got released. By chance, I’d looked on the event page to see there were two available tickets so I checked with hubby that he’d be okay to look after Little Mr and I managed to bag a ticket. I was so chuffed, I’d managed to get a ticket to the event and could mingle with fellow bloggers and twitter friends. How exciting?

wife mummy emmaAn hour later, I was pottering about in the kitchen and all of a sudden, there were tears! What on earth did I think I was doing? Signing up to go to an event where I don’t know anyone and where networking is part of the event. It seems really silly now but I’d had a look at the names on the attendees list and I’d recognised quite a few so knew I’d be okay but I just panicked! What if they didn’t want to talk to me? What if I stumbled over my words and went bright red when I spoke?  What if they think my blog is silly and boring? (even if you think it is, please don’t tell me!) You get the picture. Hubby came in and was quite shocked as to why I was upset.

I think it all comes down to the fact that since being on maternity leave I seem to have lost my confidence. I don’t see lots of people everyday, I might communicate with them via twitter and Facebook but I don’t actually see many people to speak to during the day. I seem to be constantly worrying about what other people think of me and I’ve got a real downer about myself. Yes, I’ve just had a baby but that’s no real excuse for gaining so much weight! I need a good hair cut and my colour needs sorting. I’ve got natural highlights coming through and my roots are shocking. I’m not sure what it is, not for one minute do I think it’s PND. I’m probably just paranoid.

When I’m with Little Mr, I’m his Mummy and I love it. But being on my own I seem to have lost my identity. I’m not sure what clothes to wear or what make up to put on. I feel a bit lost!

Turns out Little Mr was poorly through the night and I had about an hours sleep resulting in me not being able to attend the BlogSummit today but my wobble last night has had me thinking all day. I’m really gutted I missed the event as it looked like a great day. I’m currently in talks with a sponsor for BritMumsLive and hopefully I can reveal all soon. I really hope I can pull myself together for then.

Has anyone else had wobbles of confidence post baby? Can you give me any advice?

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  • Reply Snafflesmummy 11/05/2013 at 8:25 pm

    Oh sweetie, massive hugs. We all get like that post baby, it’s such a life changing event and its hard to maintain your own identity, especially when you are always ‘mummy’
    Could you set a night aside each week for some you time, bath, nails etc?
    Also date nights, we can’t get a baby sitter often so we set aside a night in the house, phones, tv, computers etc all go off. We take it in turns to cook posh meal (or get a supermarket meal deal and be lazy)
    Blog events fill me with fear, I find them very overwhelming but they really shouldn’t be, everyone there is lovely and all have lots in common.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 10:41 am

      Thank you D, I’ve come to realise that although Little Mr is my world, I need to do some things for me and make more time for myself. Something I’ve not done in a long while x

  • Reply Lauren Jewhurst (@laurenbigeejit) 11/05/2013 at 8:45 pm

    I can’t talk from personal experience obviously, but I think what you are feeling is very common. I often hear of mummies having a confidence crash when they feel that a mummy is all they are – which isn’t true but I suppose you have lived and breathed Olly for the last 3 months (and 9 before that!) so it’s understandable that you feel you’ve lost sight of your life beyond that. Remember too that you are a busy lady, sleep deprived, maybe still a bit hormonal, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I think you are incredible and love how honest you are. I will definitely be turning to you when my time comes! Lots of love xxxxxxxx

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:00 am

      Thanks Lauren. I think I’ve focused so long on becoming a Mummy I’ve kind of lost sight of who Emma is! Will be doing a lot of searching this week xx

  • Reply Lauren 11/05/2013 at 8:54 pm

    I feel exactly like this and it is so so hard. Massive hugs.

    I keep having wobbles about BritMums and I think the thing is to tell yourself that if you want to run away then you can, but to do your best to just get there in the first place.
    I was dreading my WI meeting, thinking they would hate me, thinking I was too fat or common to go there but they accepted me and I was so glad I went.

    You will be fine for BritMums I promise. I will hold your hand.

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:06 am

      Thanks Lauren, I’m probably my own worst enemy for over thinking things and making things out to be (probably) worse than they actually are! I’m actually really excited about going as I’ve followed so many people in the last 2 or 3 years who have been and it looks fantastic. Just need to work on my confidence and I’ll be fine x

  • Reply (Mostly) Yummy Mummy 11/05/2013 at 9:17 pm

    Oh lovely I’m so sorry to hear this but like others have said, so many of us went through just the same thing. It’s quite natural that your gorgeous boy is your whole life right now and it’s easy to ‘lose’ you along the way but you will find her again I promise. It’s one of the biggest (and best!) life changes you’ll ever experience and you need to give yourself a little time and take small steps like another commenter suggested. Sending big hugs xx

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:08 am

      Thank you! Small steps are easier to accomplish so will definitely be starting on taking them this week x

  • Reply Karen 11/05/2013 at 9:21 pm

    Aww chick.. It’s hard, but don’t you be worried at all. You’re an amazing and lovely person. :) We all have wobbles and I’m like you I don’t see many people on a daily basis and am not the type of person to just ‘put myself out there’ so I’d be thinking the exact same. I haven’t even gone to a mum’s and tots group because I don’t want to be on my own and not know anyone.

    I only really see myself as mummy too and kind of forget that I’m Karen as well, wife, mother but also me, my own person. I try to still go out with some of my friends without the little one to get some ‘me’ time and remember who I still am.

    It’s so lovely that you can be honest and that we can all be here for each other, to support and comfort one another when needed. I’m so glad that I started my wee blog and have met lots of lovely people like you. (Thanks Lauren for introducing me to everyone). I’m starting to comment on peoples blogs but stop myself from adding them on twitter as I think oh well maybe they don’t want me to follow them or think I’m rare.

    I’m sure you’ll be brilliannt at BritMums and I think you’re amazing :) xx

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:18 am

      Thanks Karen, I wish we lived closer I’d be round for a cup of tea and a hug on a very regular basis. I haven’t signed up to any Mums or baby groups either but then they put them on at silly times and if you’ve had a bad night with the little one I find it hard to make sure I’m up, dressed and for 9 or even 10am!

      I probably need to put myself out there a bit more for Little Mr’s benefit before I have to go back to work. I’ll have a look at baby groups this week and see what we can go to! Ohhh eck, I’m getting brave! xx

  • Reply Andie_E 11/05/2013 at 9:22 pm

    You are so normal !!! I really feel for what you are going through but please,please, please give yourself a break :-) You have had a baby, your hormones and body are slightly up the creek, you are lacking sleep but I bet to all those who know you, you look more beautiful than you ever have:-) Your brain is absorbing more new information than it probably has since you yourself were a baby and it will learn to cope. Also, your social life will return and you will have more than enough confidence when you think about what you have accomplished. You are still the you that you were before Little Mister – but BETTER !!!! Oh yes – crying is good fir you sometimes – I failed badly at that. xxx

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:19 am

      Thank you for being so nice Andie! xx

  • Reply Emma T 11/05/2013 at 9:25 pm

    I’ve not had wobbles particularly, but it is hard to regain yourself post baby. (Oh, and mine’s 2 and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been – almost 2 stone heavier than I was just after giving birth which is digusting – so I’ll be the blobby one at Britmums! Hope you make it)

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:21 am

      Thanks Emma, I’m sure I can beat you on the blobby front, gaining weight is something I seem to excel at! Will be nice to meet you at Britmums x

  • Reply Caroline 11/05/2013 at 9:29 pm

    You are so not alone my love! Having been away from the workplace for a few years, I’ve recently started my own business. This of course, means getting out there, networking & self promoting. I was shocked at how nervous I was, having been very confident in my business self only a few years earlier. BUT, for me the first time I received positive feedback & that big first order it came back. Honestly it does, the old you is still there, & you’ll find her as soon as you speak to the first person at Brit mums. X

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:23 am

      Thanks Caroline, I always thought of myself as being quite confident (in recent years) so having this wobble has shocked me more than I thought! Time to put myself out there… x

  • Reply emily tealady 11/05/2013 at 9:35 pm

    I feel the same! I get so anxious. Hope you can come to britmums as I’d love to meet you -ill be under the table hiding!

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:24 am

      Thanks Emily, are you taking little one with you to Britmums? I’m bringing him along on Friday then hubby is having him on the Saturday so I can concentrate on being me! Looking forward to meeting you too x

      • Reply emily tealady 17/05/2013 at 8:30 pm

        Sorry just seen reply! Yes I think I’m bringing the bubs I need to sort out accommodation though! leave everything last min

  • Reply Snafflesmummy 11/05/2013 at 10:53 pm

    Had more thoughts.
    Find out which bloggers you talk/tweet with a lot Are also going to Brit mums and arrange to meet them at the station. You will feel a lot more at ease arriving at the venue with someone you already sort of know

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:27 am

      Thanks D, I’m going to be stalking people (in a non freaky way) from now on to get to know people better! Hope they don’t think i’m weird :/

  • Reply Linz M 12/05/2013 at 10:49 am

    I know I can’t talk from personal experience, but I think it’s completely normal to feel like this. Having a baby is totally life changing and it will take some adjusting to!

    I think trying to set some time aside to be a couple and do things on your own is a good idea, a couple of hours a week perhaps.

    Massive hugs, you are awesome, just remember that xx

    • Reply mrsshilts 12/05/2013 at 11:29 am

      Thanks Linz, I think I’ll add this wobble to my ever growing list of things I didn’t expect post baby! xx

  • Reply Bex @ The Mummy Adventure 13/05/2013 at 9:22 pm

    I totally have days like this but glad you are feeling back to yourself today because you are lovely, so is your blog and you did have a (very gorgeous) baby only a few weeks ago!
    I am going to Britmums Live and you have already met me so if you want to meet up first then just let me know! I remember the nerves last year and it really helped to meet up with someone first x

    • Reply mrsshilts 13/05/2013 at 10:14 pm

      Thanks Bex, it’s reassuring to know I’m not completely mad!

      I’d really that! It’ll be nice to have a friendly face there (although I’m sure everyone will be lovely), are you taking A with you? x

  • Reply Shel 13/05/2013 at 9:23 pm

    Emma, you are amazing! I wish I had the confidence to even write a blog let alone attend a networking event. Xx

    • Reply mrsshilts 13/05/2013 at 10:12 pm

      Thank you! You should start writing one, it’s a fab release :)

  • Reply Katie @mummydaddyme 14/05/2013 at 3:47 pm

    I am sorry to hear you are having a wobble lovely. I obviously have two children now and I still struggle with my identity a bit. I am the first one of my ‘old friends’ to have children and they are all still in London going out and spending all their money on themselves. My body, appearance and life has completely changed, and while I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world, it has made me lose a bit of my confidence and spark. To meet me, you wouldn’t think it as I appear confident (ish) but under the surface I sometimes struggle.

    I wish you had come to Blog Summit, I would have loved to have met you. The blogging community is so supportive I can promise you that.

    • Reply mrsshilts 15/05/2013 at 6:31 pm

      Thanks Katie, I never realised before how powerful hormones can be! 5 days on and I’m feeling much better. Looking forward to meeting you at Britmumslive, I’m determined to get there xx

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