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Inside the head of a struggling Mum

Before you all drop everything and rush to be by my side, I’m ok. However, in all honesty, I’m struggling with a billion and one things of late and I feel I’m only one plate spin away from dropping everything and my whole world will come crashing down. I thought I was quite a strong person but just lately I don’t feel like I’m coping very well at all.

bad-days-struggling

Struggling with Pre-school tears

Two weeks in and we still have tears from Olly on the playground. He’s absolutely fine on the walk to school (although he doesn’t eat very much before we leave the house) and will happily play in the playground before the bell. As soon as it’s time to go inside the school building, his little face crumples up and the tears roll down his cheeks. I’m pretty sure it’s just anxiety of the unknown and not being used to it but it is heart breaking. Seeing him get all upset really pulls at my heart strings. I know he settles down well within a few minutes and actually enjoys school but the walk home from school in the morning isn’t my favourite five minutes of the day.

Struggling with hormones

Nope, still not lucky enough to have fallen pregnant with our second, much wanted baby. I’m still waiting for the NHS to stick me on a waiting list to see a fertility consultant despite having a text from them three weeks ago saying they were dealing with my referral. How hard is it to stick my name down on a list of appointments? I’m seriously considering going private to find out what’s going on. I know my PCOS condition makes things much trickier in the art of conception, I just need a little bit of help (and the prescription for the medication!)

Struggling with not being able to do it all

My hours at work have changed so that I am able to do the school run in the morning. I’m really pleased that I have been able to change my hours to take Olly into school and play a part in his school years. I had nightmares that I wouldn’t be able to be a part of them and having to hand over the reigns of taking him into school to his Grandparents, never being able to see the friends he talks about and meet the other school Mums and Dads, or find out who was looking after, inspiring and teaching my child for three hours every morning was really worrying for me.

As with all working families, there has to be compromise and I’m taking one for the team and have reduced my working hours to what we think we can afford at the moment. Unfortunately, there are still household bills to pay and a level of income we need to sustain to keep a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and cars to drive to get us to work.

One thing I hadn’t really got my head round was the traffic with travelling to and from work at different times of the day and the lack of time I get with the family before bedtime. The traffic has been atrocious and my usual 25 minute journey into work has been taking over 40 minutes and getting home has been taking me over an hour, seriously I could cry! So in compromise of doing the school run in the morning, I have to endure the ghastly evening traffic to travel the 7 mile home and it’s so depressing. It’s only going to get worse with the winter nights creeping in.

Struggling by eating ALL the food

My willpower for my diet has disappeared. I know I am eating the wrong foods, I know I am eating crap but I can’t stop myself from doing it. I know there will come a time when I am seriously pissed off with myself for doing it as it’ll set me back but this doesn’t seem to be stopping me eating rubbish at the moment. In one respect, I wish I was a drinker. I don’t drink alcohol at all really, only on special occasions or holidays so I don’t turn to wine or even cigarettes in my hour of need, I turn to food. I wish I was one of those people who didn’t eat when they were stressed as I’d be a right skinny Minnie right about now. My weigh in on Tuesday is going to be horrible but whatever the scales say, it’ll be just deserved. Gah, please come back willpower I need you!

I’m not really sure how to get out of this crappy mood / frame of mind at the moment. There’s a couple of things I would like to do but can’t write them here as this is a public space which may or may not get read by certain people. Ever wish you were an anonymous blogger, right about now I do!

So in my desperation to do as much as I can in as little time as possible, I’m off to a blogging conference in a few hours to enjoy some time off with friends and will be coming home to catch up with the ironing and getting ready for another week. If anyone finds a spare 12 hours can you throw them my way please?

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12 Comments

  • Reply Steph

    Sounds like you need a cuddle! Olly will settle in time, but I remember how difficult the tears are to see. Sending love xx

    25/09/2016 at 4:57 am
    • Reply Emma

      Thanks Steph, it was wonderful to see you and Q at the weekend, he’s a gorgeous little man x

      26/09/2016 at 9:26 pm
  • Reply Lisa

    I hope things get better for you. I’ve really lost my way since returning to work full-time as well as run a biz, sort the kids etc etc. Fingers crossed that things get better. On the pre-school front my daughter was exactly the same. They used to phone me after about half an hour to let me know how she was and it only seemed to be the initial first 5 mins that she cried for and was then fine x

    25/09/2016 at 8:42 am
    • Reply Emma

      Thanks Lisa, I hope you find your groove too xx

      26/09/2016 at 9:24 pm
  • Reply hannonle

    Some of it sounds like the September/October blues. So many people feel grotty at this time of year. *hugs*

    25/09/2016 at 11:22 am
    • Reply Emma

      It could be that, the post-summer blues, the long dark nights and the cold….thank you

      26/09/2016 at 9:23 pm
  • Reply Lucy Bishop

    Oh I’m so with you darling – I wish there were more hours in the day – it would make life as a working mum so much easier wouldn’t it? I wish I was nearer and could support you properly face to face – a message here, and a blog comment here just isn’t enough! :-(

    I wish I had some answers for you – but life is just super hectic and shite right now and only time will be a healer – Olly will settle into preschool, the fertility appointment will arrive and your willpower will come back in floods once you’ve got this little spate out of your system, I’m sure of it.

    Self-sabbotage is such a nasty vicious circle, and I’ve so been there too darling, it’s taken me a long, long time to re-educate my brain and be conscious in all of my eating. Please give me a text or a call any time darling, we can chat it over and I can help you get your mojo back – don’t struggle alone. Please.

    Love you so much!

    Luce xxx

    25/09/2016 at 11:00 pm
    • Reply Emma

      Thank you so much Luce xxx

      26/09/2016 at 9:23 pm
  • Reply Plutonium Sox

    Oh I’m so sorry your’e having a difficult time. I do hope things sort themselves out for you soon. I totally know how you feel, I’ve been there and come out the other side. Do message me if ever you want someone to moan to.
    Nat.x

    25/09/2016 at 11:09 pm
    • Reply Emma

      Thanks Nat, you are so lovely. I really appreciate that xx

      26/09/2016 at 9:22 pm
  • Reply Sam | North East Family Fun

    Oh lovely – it’s so hard trying to juggle everything isn’t it. I am wishing you a lovely weekend with your family this weekend and Monday is a new week xxx

    29/09/2016 at 7:43 pm
    • Reply Emma

      Thank you so much Sam, you too xx

      29/09/2016 at 8:39 pm

    I'd love to hear from you

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