Being a Mummy to my boys is on the whole, my dream come true. It’s the moments of complete pride, where I stare at my two children and can’t quite believe they’re mine and I grew them in my tummy. It’s the moments where they both co-operate at the same time and my plans for A, B and C get achieved. Then there’s the moments where it’s all going wrong, my youngest refuses to eat, I have snot or yoghurt (unidentified mystery stain) down my jeans and I wonder how on earth people cope with more than two kids.
Aren’t we all just winging it?
A very good friend of mine recently said that she knew if she had any questions about being a Mum, she’d ask me because I always appeared to look like I had it together. Whilst I should have taken it as a huge compliment and bought her a drink, I was a little shocked, laughed and said that in fact “No, I don’t, I’m just winging it like the rest of us”. What appears to some as having it together on the outside, maybe a completely different story inside.
No-one really has their sh*t together. Everyone always something or someone that is frustrating them. Everyone has I’m pretty sure no-one has their life planned down to the hour, and if they say they do, they’re lying! Being a parent is the biggest headache with the most incredible tug of heartstrings. Your children will wind you up and behave irrationally, then look at you, or give you the most sincere hug and suddenly the woes will all be forgotten.
Hold on tight, you’re in for a bumpy ride
The last fifteen months for me have been the biggest learning curve. I thought the first five years with Olly were tricky with his refusals to sleep, separation anxiety and stubbornness to try new things but wow, this last fifteen months have been another level. Instead of just one child who you think has overcome the upset of going into school, you have double the battle with two children. They are so different from one day to the next and it is exhausting. I can’t keep up some days.
Freddie is a creature of habit, actually both my boys are. They both thrive on routine and if something knocks off kilter, it disrupts their moods and behaviour. We’re not rigid with the routine as there are days when you just can’t cook fish fingers and waffles quick enough, before throwing a crisp bread in their direction to keep them occupied.
I’m not the Mum I thought I would be and that is absolutely ok. I’m doing my best. I really am. I never knew how hard it would be or how selfless you’d need to be (despite thinking I knew it ‘all’ before realising what it ‘all’ entailed) or how tired you’d be day in day out. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s the scariest rollercoaster in the world with its ups and downs, but my goodness, the smiles and unconditional (toddler) love its worth it. So if you’re ever struggling or thinking it’s all a bit too much, just remember, just do your best because we’re all just winging it.