Follow:

Another baby, is it just a dream?

If you had asked me, in my twenties, what my life plan would be like in my thirties, it would probably go something a little like this… I would be happily married, be a mummy to two little children and enjoy doing the school run with a little dog on a lead. It sounds so simplistic and in my twenties, I never imagined that being a mummy of two would be the hardest dream to achieve.

I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries just over 8 years ago and I never really realised at the time how much of a struggle it would be for us to have a family. Having a baby at that time wasn’t on my mind, I was career focused and wanted to excel in work. I always imagined when it came to baby making, that we’d enjoy a few months of fun and nine months later we’d be welcoming a bundle of love into our arms. Dreams don’t happen like that in real life and when we were ready to start our family, we hit months of hurdles and heartache.

2016-08-27-17-55-07-4

We are so grateful for our little boy. Olly is the light in our world, the love of our lives, he’s such a happy chappy (most of the time). He’s clever, funny, cheeky and has such an old head on young shoulders. Like every parent who adores their child, we feel so, so lucky to have him but there’s always the thought of what if?

What if we can’t give him a brother or sister? What if he won’t ever get to experience the sharing, the learning and the friendship of a sibling? What if he’ll be an only child? Should I be fully embracing his firsts knowing that they’ll always be the last that we’ll get to enjoy? Am I being selfish? Is it selfish to want to expand the family and share the love?

I never in a million years thought we would struggle again so much to conceive our second baby. I’ve only ever been pregnant once and after years of spending time avoiding pregnancies, I feel so guilty for wasting so much time. What if our dream of a second baby is just that? Just a dream?

2016-09-17-18-59-07-1

I saw my GP last week after receiving a letter from the hospital on the back of a referral that I had fought so much to get and it wasn’t brilliant news. Apart from the letter being from a hospital that no longer deals with fertility investigations in our area (but was happy to see me four years ago!) the fact that I am grossly overweight is still a big issue and is a huge barrier to being referred for any treatment.

You’d think that being told by doctors that you’re too fat for treatment would be the huge kick up the bum you need to make sure you’re eating healthily and on the right track with your diet. In my case, no! Emotional eating and thinking fuck it, has been at the forefront of my mind and shamefully, I’ve put weight on. I weighed in at my appointment with my doctor on Monday and saw the numbers of the scales looking back at me like. It’s not pretty. It’s definitely not clever and I’m nowhere near where I need to be weight wise.

So doing what I usually do when faced with uncertainty and worry, I put up the barriers and focus. Focus on what I need to do. Stay out of the kitchen, think about what I’m shovelling in my mouth and think ahead to weigh in! Without sounding like a broken record, I really need to succeed this time. I need to show them my weight isn’t going to hold me back and I’m committed to making positive changes for our family.

I need to know that I’ve done (or doing) everything possible to try and give Olly a little brother or sister to play with. A little friend to love forever and someone to share memories with when he is old and grey.

Is it just a dream?

Share:
Previous Post Next Post

7 Comments

  • Reply Confessions of a New Mummy

    Oh Emma. I hope it isn’t just a dream. Just a thought, have you thought about acupuncture (Sorry if I’ve asked you this before)? I know a lot of people are sceptical but it can work. I had it some years ago, not for fertility but I’m happy to share my experience if you wanted to hear about it xx

    14/10/2016 at 11:38 am
  • Reply ClearlyBex

    *hugs* this is not a dream Emma, you will be a mummy again to another little Baby Shilts and these hurdles you will breeze through and you will get the result you badly want. Love to you all. X

    14/10/2016 at 12:19 pm
  • Reply Toni Cooper

    Sis, it will happen for you yes you’ll have huge hurdles to overcome but you will achieve that dreams.. you always do determination is on your side, with the love from all around you!
    It’s a dream I too wish for.. love you always xx

    14/10/2016 at 11:02 pm
  • Reply Emma Lofthouse-Burch

    I hope your dream becomes reality, it is so difficult yearning for something so much xx

    15/10/2016 at 8:50 pm
  • Reply lisa furey

    oh Emma I am in the same boat as you. I have PCOS but luckily treatment worked quickly when I conceived my son who is now almost three. For the past two years we have been trying for another baby, treatment that worked first time around hasn’t this time. I have seriously struggled with weight gain after doing slimming world last year so well last year and a good weight lose but still no sign of getting pregnant, I got into such a negative head space the past few months and gained almost a stone. I have had enough and rejoined sw again this week. Hubby and I have decided to try one more treatment for PCOS after two years of different treatments clomid, metformin, and most recently letrozle and iui, along with various scans and tests I think mentally and physically I am worn out!! My dream of having a sibling for my son might be almost up but I am NOT giving up yet! You must not either…..and if it doesn’t happen for us we still have our beautiful boys…we might not be Mother’s to a large family but we are still Mothers xxxx

    15/10/2016 at 10:30 pm
  • Reply Tea Ke

    Emma, this is definitely not a dream. Whatever you can imagine, you can achieve it. Have faith in yourself and your family! Keep exercising, you will get there!

    20/10/2016 at 11:43 am
  • Reply Raisefrequency- Yudith

    I hope your dream of having a second baby becomes a reality. Take good care of yourself, love yourself and be at ease.

    06/06/2017 at 7:45 pm
  • I'd love to hear from you

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    %d bloggers like this: