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The rejection of a (nearly) two year old

I’d managed to finish work on time and was looking forward to starting my three day weekend with my family. I got in my car and drove to my in-laws to pick up Little Mr. I knocked the door and was looking forward to seeing my son after a busy and tiring day at work. I heard my mother-in-law come to the door with Little Mr as she said ‘oh I wonder if it’s Mommy or Daddy!’, she opened the door and he said ‘oh it’s Mommy, where’s Daddy?’ as he ignored me at the door and ran back into the lounge in a grump.

I always knew he would chose favourites. My Father-in-law is idolised by Little Mr. Their relationship is lovely to watch and they just get on so well. My Mother-in-law doesn’t get a look in most of the day and when hugs and kisses are on offer at the end of the day, he always goes to Grandad first then Nanny.

On arriving home, I let Little Mr knock the door (it’s one of his new favourite things to do) but as we were the first ones home, I unlocked the door and let us both in. Queue hysterics that Daddy wasn’t home and he wanted to wait for him outside the front door in the cold and rain. Not happening!

I started my usual routine of preparing dinner and popped a pizza under the grill for Little Mr. Heaven knows why I put it under the grill and not in the oven, of course it’s going to burn and it did. Whilst I was thinking on my feet about what other meal I could quickly prepare for him, I shut him and the dog out of the kitchen (via the dog gate and the both could still see me through the gate) so I could have some space and unload the dishwasher and put the kettle on for a well deserved cup of tea. They both hate being locked out of the kitchen so naturally more tantrums and screaming fits followed with Little Mr throwing his bottle of water across the room in a rage of displeasure.

The tears I can handle, he’s only (nearly) two years old. He’s still very young and is learning so much, developmentally. For every day that passes he’s learning new words, stringing more words together to form sentences and for most of the time, he’s a very pleasant little boy who is kind and polite.

We’re also in a phase at the moment where Little Mr is (still) waking up throughout the night and is getting really upset. It’s following on from the disrupted bedtime routine (as he didn’t take to his big boy bed) so we have had disturbed sleep for over four weeks now. We are all suffering from it. Little Mr is tired throughout the day and I know both hubby and I are both desperate for some, a lot of, quality, undisturbed sleep.

Last night as he was settling down to sleep, hubby had to leave his usual spot on the landing outside Little Mr’s room to go and play Squash. This, of course, didn’t go down well and whilst I was outside his room waiting for him patiently to drop off to sleep, I wasn’t Daddy and he wasn’t happy. He threw his dummies across the room and had an almighty tantrum. I tried all my usual techniques to settle him, speaking softly and encouraging him to lie down but no, it was Daddy he wanted and he wasn’t going to settle until Daddy came back up the stairs and walked into his room.

The tears began to flow down my cheeks as he lay back down for his Daddy and settled off to sleep. The rejection of my son hurts. I know he’s young and he (probably) doesn’t know what he’s doing but it still hurts. I would lay down my life in a flash for that little boy. He has no idea of how much love I feel for him.

I’m hoping this is just a phase, it’s got to be. Usually I can handle the rejection of being favourited over my hubby but last night it was all too much.

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11 Comments

  • Reply Hannah

    Sweetie! Do not fret I am pretty sure it is just a stage. I know that some days Jaxon gets really fretting and grumpy with me but the second Chris walks through the door he’ll be good as gold because “Daddy’s Home”. For me I think it’s because I’m there all the time and Chris is out at work during the day and then home in the evenings.

    06/02/2015 at 11:13 am
  • Reply Colette B

    It will pass x x x x

    06/02/2015 at 11:38 am
  • Reply Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely

    Awww, this is a tough one. My eldest, since he was a similar age as Little Mr, has been quite open in telling me that he loves me less than his dad. He’s obsessed with Paul almost to the point where he can’t quite cope with how much he loves him. I rarely get a look in. I don’t really take it to heart anymore, I know he loves me too. I figure as long as the boys know what it is to love and feel loved, we’re doing a great job x

    06/02/2015 at 7:44 pm
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Gosh Rachel, that must be tough. I always expected him to have a favourite as its inevitable but I never expected it to be like this at night when he should be sleeping. Little Mr knows he’s loved so you’re right that’s all that matters xx

      06/02/2015 at 8:13 pm
  • Reply Donna

    Oh I feel for you Hun. It’s not easy and the age is so tricky. We are currently in a ‘Mummy’ phase so Little Man is hanging off my leg constantly, screaming when I leave the room and insisting on being next to me at all times. It’s exhausting and suffocating and I can’t wait for it to be Daddy’s turn! Keep telling yourself it’s just a phase, it definitely won’t last forever x

    06/02/2015 at 9:58 pm
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Thanks Donna and I hope LM shares his love around for you soon xx

      06/02/2015 at 11:37 pm
  • Reply Rachael Jess

    Oh my days, I could have written this post. My son went through exactly the same thing. He would get upset if I picked him up from nursery and not daddy, if I put him to bed……. but it is a phase, our phases (he still does them a year on) only lasts about 2 maybe 3 weeks at a time. I’ve started to take these takes as little mini breaks, if he wants daddy to put him to bed every night, so be it. It will soon be my turn…

    xx

    08/02/2015 at 8:23 pm
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Thank you Rachael, that really reassures me. It’s a huge learning curve this motherhood lark! xx

      08/02/2015 at 9:55 pm
  • Reply Amanda

    Oh bless you! I think they all go through stages of reacting more strongly than they normally would to things. In our family it is mummy and grandma who are most favoured, but at times this changes and it’s the exact opposite! And whilst it is generally just tears, if Little Man is feeling extra tired or unwell or something has just unsettled him, he can get more “aggressive” (i.e. throw things across the room, hit out at one of us etc). And it can feel like rejection, but I think usually it is just because they do not know how to express their feelings… when Little Man was around Little Mr’s age we started asking him if he was happy or sad, and we talked about characters in books and on tv and whether we thought they were happy or sad. This helped him start to express how he felt and gradually it developed into other emotions too. It’s a tough old time for them learning to express themselves, and tough on us parents too xx

    13/02/2015 at 9:37 am
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