It’s been nearly one whole year since my maternity leave came to an end and I had to go back to work. I went back on reduced hours which to start with was quite weird. All my working life (apart from when I was a university student) I’ve worked full time so to work four days a week was both quite nice and strange. I’ve felt like I was bunking off work for a while but then saw the reduction in salary on payday and yes, it felt quite real.
If I’m honest it took me quite a while to adjust to going back to work. I missed Little Mr terribly (and still do) but as he’s grown over the last year he’s adjusted to spending the day with alternate sets of Grandparents. Once he went to bed, I would sit outside his door and just watch him sleep. To be close to him and just hear him breathe. It was hugely comforting to me.
My confidence in work suffered, most probably due to the fact that I felt a little lost. Life in the office had moved on, although my colleagues hadn’t changed, I think if I’m honest, I had and my perspective on life wasn’t what it was like pre-baby. There was once upon a time when I never dared dream that I would be a Mama. My health problems always contributed to what could have been considered, a rather bleak prospect in Motherhood and although that sounds rather dramatic, if you had asked me four years ago if I could envisage me being a Mama now, I would have laughed in your face. I never took for granted that I could be a Mama although I wished and prayed for it on a very regular basis. I thank my lucky stars every day for the opportunity to be Little Mr’s Mama and although I have to work to make a contribution to our household bills, I’m not sure if given the decision right about now, whether I would be there out of choice (for the record, this is no reflection on my current job, I just wouldn’t work full stop!)
I really want to be a Mama that takes her little boy to school. I guess I want to follow in the footsteps of my own Mom who used to take both my Sister and I to school and then walk us home afterwards. I really hope in the future that I’ll be able to do that. You work to live right, not live to work?
Financially, I think I’ll always have to work. I don’t think at any time in the future I will be able to be a Stay at Home Mama. I would love to be all domesticated and have an immaculate home, home cooked food on the table (although on SW all our food has been homecooked) I suppose in an ideal world, I would love to work from home in some capacity. As well as my professional qualifications in Human Resources, I also have a management degree and an had a huge interest in project management and events. I’m always keeping an eye on recruitment websites, City Calling, for example, who recruit for construction management jobs along with others sectors, shows that there is work out there for people who want and can work flexibly.
Remember when you were at school and the Careers Advisor asked you what job you wanted when you were older, did you end up in that job? I don’t think I even knew what HR was back then. I wanted to be a Signalman in the Navy of all things but was never fit enough (or have the confidence in myself to get fit!) Interestingly, my hubby always wanted to be a Teacher and look at him now, Head of a thriving, successful department in a huge Secondary school.
What did you want to be when you were growing up? Did having children change your mind? I’d love to hear your thoughts.