This evening as we were getting Little Mr ready for bed, he toddled over to his Daddy and rest his beautiful blonde curls on his chest and paused for a couple of seconds. It was a lovely unprompted moment of our little boy sharing a sneaky cuddle with his Daddy. As I collected Little Mr from his Grandparents earlier today, before we left he gave them both a very sweet lean of his head (his version of kisses) and wrapped his arms around them. I love that he’s got his own little bond with them and he knows he can trust and rely on them. Just before bed, I said goodnight and asked for a cuddle. He said no and thrust his hand in front of his chest to push me away. My 16 month old Son declined a cuddle and a goodnight kiss from his Mama. Gutted, absolutely gutted.
Over the last few weeks I’ve seen him really growing up. He’s saying more words, walking better and communicating more. Is it a phase that little ones go through, rejecting one of their parents in favour of the other one? I’ve noticed more frequently that I’m the one upsetting him. I ask him not to pull all the cd’s out of the cd rack, I ask him not to throw his dinner on the floor when he’s had enough, I’m the one who stops him falling off the back step onto the concrete in the garden and moves him away from the dining room drawers that he loves to explore. I’m the one who see’s all the tears and then mops them up afterwards.
I don’t want to be the bad cop; always making sure he’s fed, drinks his milk or has his nappy changed. I don’t want to be the one that upsets him all the time, even if I am just protecting him from doing himself an injury. I want to be the one that comes home from work and sees a smiley happy boy with open arms for cuddles. I want to be the one he comes to for cuddles before bedtime.
Is it because I went away to London for the weekend that he’s now punishing me? Is it because I leave him with his Grandparents four days per week? Is it because I’m the more serious parent instead of the fun, silly one that makes him laugh!
Of course my husband thinks I’m paranoid and it’s just a phase. He’s too small to do it on purpose, he’s only a 16 month old toddler. Perhaps it’s because I’m feeling insecure at the moment, my confidence is at an all time low and I feel like I’ve let myself down.
I would move mountains for that little boy. Rejection is painful. It hurts.
I hope it’s just a phase!