Hoping it’s just a phase..

03/07/2014

love mama

This evening as we were getting Little Mr ready for bed, he toddled over to his Daddy and rest his beautiful blonde curls on his chest and paused for a couple of seconds. It was a lovely unprompted moment of our little boy sharing a sneaky cuddle with his Daddy. As I collected Little Mr from his Grandparents earlier today, before we left he gave them both a very sweet lean of his head (his version of kisses) and wrapped his arms around them. I love that he’s got his own little bond with them and he knows he can trust and rely on them. Just before bed, I said goodnight and asked for a cuddle. He said no and thrust his hand in front of his chest to push me away. My 16 month old Son declined a cuddle and a goodnight kiss from his Mama. Gutted, absolutely gutted.

Over the last few weeks I’ve seen him really growing up. He’s saying more words, walking better and communicating more. Is it a phase that little ones go through, rejecting one of their parents in favour of the other one? I’ve noticed more frequently that I’m the one upsetting him. I ask him not to pull all the cd’s out of the cd rack, I ask him not to throw his dinner on the floor when he’s had enough, I’m the one who stops him falling off the back step onto the concrete in the garden and moves him away from the dining room drawers that he loves to explore. I’m the one who see’s all the tears and then mops them up afterwards.

I don’t want to be the bad cop; always making sure he’s fed, drinks his milk or has his nappy changed. I don’t want to be the one that upsets him all the time, even if I am just protecting him from doing himself an injury. I want to be the one that comes home from work and sees a smiley happy boy with open arms for cuddles. I want to be the one he comes to for cuddles before bedtime.

Is it because I went away to London for the weekend that he’s now punishing me? Is it because I leave him with his Grandparents four days per week? Is it because I’m the more serious parent instead of the fun, silly one that makes him laugh!

Of course my husband thinks I’m paranoid and it’s just a phase. He’s too small to do it on purpose, he’s only a 16 month old toddler. Perhaps it’s because I’m feeling insecure at the moment, my confidence is at an all time low and I feel like I’ve let myself down.

I would move mountains for that little boy. Rejection is painful. It hurts.

I hope it’s just a phase!

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10 Comments

  • Reply liz young 03/07/2014 at 9:36 pm

    ah I know that feeling! my daughter was like that with me when I’d been away for a few days. I’m sure that little mr will be back giving cuddles in no time xx

    • Reply Emma Shilton 03/07/2014 at 9:37 pm

      Oh I hope so Liz, thanks for your comment x

  • Reply Lucy Bishop 03/07/2014 at 9:40 pm

    It is definitely a phase – I so sympathise babe – I really do get it – I’m also the ‘bad cop’ parent especially as I’m at home all day, I do feel like some days I spend half the day telling him ‘no’ and rescuing him from sticky situations… I make him cry because I won’t let him break my phone, or stand on his toy box etc. Then Daddy comes home and its all smiles and cuddles, and play time, while I cook the dinner etc. It isn’t easy at all. I wouldn’t swap it for the world, but its tough on us sometimes. Olly loves you absolutely unconditionally and your ARE his favourite person in the whole wide world – don’t ever doubt that! Big big hugs xxxx

    • Reply Emma Shilton 03/07/2014 at 9:42 pm

      Thanks Lucy, just feels like I’m slogging my guts out doing everything and I know he can’t say thank you (obvs I don’t expect a thank you) but a cuddle would be nice! xx

  • Reply Anwyn 03/07/2014 at 10:03 pm

    Oh Emma, it’s tough, but it will pass. Presumably, if you work 4 days a week, you spend more time with him than his Daddy, so it’s not that you leave him with grandparents etc. I think we ‘act out’ most with those we love the most, so that’s why it’s you that gets it. Wait until he can talk. He will undoubtedly tell you he doesn’t like you any more, wants to be with daddy, isn’t your friend etc … But also, out of the blue, he will tell you he loves you. For no reason other than he wanted to tell you, totally unprompted. And then that will warm your heart enough to cope with all the little rejections. Promise xx

    • Reply Emma Shilton 03/07/2014 at 10:06 pm

      Thank you Anwyn, haven’t thought about the verbal rejections.. I bet those are awful! You’re right, the ‘out of the blue’ kisses and cuddles will be all worth it (fingers crossed) xx

  • Reply Rachael Jess 03/07/2014 at 10:38 pm

    My boy did the same thing for 2 months – I thought my heart was going to burst with upset… but it was a phase. No idea what that phase is all about, maybe they are just testing us ? I’m sure it will pass like ours did and your little one will be back to snuggles and hugs from mummy before long xx

    • Reply Emma Shilton 03/07/2014 at 10:40 pm

      Music to my ears! Thank you Rachael, I guess it is a test and it’ll only make us stronger x

  • Reply Victoria Hannington 05/07/2014 at 3:41 am

    I certainly think it’s a phase j seems to be the same with me. I think sometimes it’s because we’re not the fun ones if you know what I mean? Suppose it goes back to the bad cop thing.
    Massive hugs and know your not alone and the he does love u even though he doesn’t always show u x

  • Reply @unpreparedmum 06/07/2014 at 5:24 pm

    Aww I hope it is a phase as my 14 month old is doing exactly the same!

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