The one with the tears and extra pounds

April for our family was a month that we don’t particularly want to see again for a long time. It was the month that at the start of the year promised birthday celebrations, mini breaks away with my two favourite males over the Easter holidays and a chance to unwind, relax a little and catch up on blog posts that have been half written in my head and half constructed in my drafts.

It was not to be and in the blink of an eye on my hubby’s birthday, our plans all changed. My unsuspecting Dad had not one but two heart attacks and was hospitalised needing urgent specialist care and two weeks later, major heart surgery and a quadruple bypass operation. It knocked us for six but luckily we’re a strong family and we rallied around and made sure my Dad was as comfortable as he could be and had company for at least an hour a day with a hot cup of coffee whilst he was in hospital to get an smidge of normality back in this crazy turn of events that were panning out before us.

Add to that a very recent sickness bug for both me and Little Mr resulting in us both being useless and in quarantine for our plans last Sunday. Little Mr had his first swimming lesson (more on that coming up this week) and I was supposed to be at Blog On in Manchester. It was my nephews 6th birthday and we had to miss it all. It was pretty rubbish. And we get the news late Sunday evening, that my lovely Grandad was taken poorly and is now in hospital awaiting tests and a possible operation. Enough. I’ve had enough!

I’ve become (over the last year) a very emotional person. My work colleagues now have the tissues on hand ready for me breaking out the tears. I can’t help it. They just come out, I’ve never wanted to be the wuss in the workplace but since becoming a Mum, it’s become a part of me that I can’t shake. Everything gets to me, just a little bit more than it used to.

I’m an emotional eater, I always have been. Back in a previous life (pre-Little Mr) I had learnt to combat these cravings for crap and junk food and was able to channel my urges and desires into different things to take my mind off raiding the fridge and the cupboards. I’m not proud of my coping mechanism, I wish I turned to exercise or fruit but I don’t.

And now I face the battle, once again, of dealing with my emotions and dealing with being much larger than I have ever wanted to be (especially after losing a shed load of weight before Little Mr came along) I realise that this hasn’t just happened in the space of a solitary month, it’s taken a lot longer and perhaps there are some things I need to deal with personally to combat the reasons why I turn to food. There’s a lot of regret but life is far too short to dwell on those. I’m desperate to get back into my smaller clothes hanging in the wardrobe (they’re still there, 18 months on) so the challenge is set.  It’s not going to easy, it’s not going to be pretty but there’s a lot of determination to succeed inside me!

Anyone fancy giving me a helping hand?

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  • Reply Hayley

    I’m exactly the same way and I’m struggling to stay motivated :/ I had promised myself I’d lose 3 stone before Brit Mums…now its almost here and instead I’ve gained a few pounds :( x

    06/05/2014 at 11:24 pm
  • Reply Pamela

    Sorry to hear your having a hard time. I totally understand why your comfort eating. Apples just don’t taste as good as a double choc chip cookie.

    I’ve also put on lots of weight (that I previously lost!) while on maternity leave. Feel so silly as when I put my mind to healthy eating it can be so easy and enjoyable. I’m hoping my return to work in the next few weeks will give me a bit more structure and motivation.

    Good luck and hope your dad and grandad are ok.

    07/05/2014 at 7:03 am
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Thanks Pamela, it’s so easy to gain weight isn’t it? I wish it was so easy to lose it xx

      07/05/2014 at 10:02 pm
  • Reply Caroline Burton

    Emma. I’m with you x I too am in the same place weight wise and hating myself for letting it come to this. I also have my Mum in hospital, desperately ill in need of a liver transplant 200 miles away, a poorly boor who has had recurrent ear infections since 7 March and a husband recovering from a hernia operation. Phew!!!!
    I’ll join you trying to lose weight if you want to? Caroline x

    07/05/2014 at 10:35 am
  • Reply Emily Anderson

    I’m always here to help/support/offload anytime you need to. What an awful month, fingers crossed this month will be the turning point for you and some good news starts heading your way xx

    07/05/2014 at 10:37 am
  • Reply Donna

    Oh Emma. You have had a shockingly bad month. I really feel for you. If there’s anything I can do to help on the weightloss/dieting front then give me a shout – I’m crap at exercise though so can’t help with that! x

    07/05/2014 at 11:42 am
  • Reply Lucy Bishop

    Absolutely!!! Why don’t you give my fitness pal a try like me? We could be friends on there & you could see my diary & we could share recipes etc. I too am an emotional eater, and I so sympathise. But I truly have found calorie counting the only thing that works for me because it doesn’t ban any foods, it’s not a fad or a specific style diet it just teaches you moderation and re-educates you. It means you can eat realistically and still get pleasure from all foods. I so enjoy the way I eat & exercise now because I never experience the guilt I used to because now when I enjoy a treat I appreciate it and know that I’ve worked hard to earn it. :-) YOU CAN DEFO DO IT. Big big hugs xxxx

    07/05/2014 at 9:25 pm
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      MrsB, you are inspirational. You have done SO well this last year I am using you as my motivational speaker! I’ve downloaded the app and I’m looking for recipes and ideas to keep me on the straight and narrow xx I CAN DO THIS!

      08/05/2014 at 10:22 pm
  • Reply Greg Shilton

    Love you babes, we can do it together x

    08/05/2014 at 10:06 am
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      ohhh a PDA – Thank you, love you too xx

      08/05/2014 at 10:20 pm
  • Reply Katie @mummydaddyme

    Lovely Emma what a tough month you have had, your poor Dad. How terribly frightening, but I saw from instagram that he is coming home if he isn’t already which is great news. I have been embarking on a fitness mission since January and although I have slipped a little off the wagon when it comes to healthy eating, I find one app that really helps me is My Fitness Pal. I don’t do it every day anymore, pretty much cause I eat the same stuff every day (so boring haha!) but I find that really helps me keep a track of the kind of food I am putting in my body. Cut yourself some slack though, after the month you have had it would have been the last thing on your mind. xxxxxxx

    08/05/2014 at 10:17 am
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Thank you Katie, I really appreciate your comment. I’ve downloaded the app as SO many people have had results from it! Just need to get organised and plan my meals and be strict! x

      08/05/2014 at 10:19 pm
  • Reply Kate

    Sorry to read you’ve have such a tough month. I hope your Dad has a speedy recovery.

    With regard to weight gain, try not to be too tough on yourself, your body has given you your gorgeous little boy and is capable of amazing things which you should be proud of. Remember that xx

    09/05/2014 at 9:43 am
  • Reply Stacey G @ Nobody Said It Was Easy

    What a tough time you’ve had recently :( I’m on myfitnesspal too if you need any more support :) StaceG1986 x

    11/05/2014 at 11:51 pm
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