Experiencing Mummy guilt

Over the last few months since I’ve been back at work I’ve been coping with the dreaded Mummy guilt which inevitably has crept up on me. Before I had Little Mr, I very naively thought I’d be absolutely fine with dropping him off at his Grandparents and going to work. We are very lucky to be in a position where Little Mr is cared for by both sets of Grandparents during the week whilst me and hubby are at work. Realistically, we couldn’t afford for him to be in nursery and as sad as the fact is, we had to ensure we had childcare in place before we got pregnant.

Little Mr has settled really well into a routine of being with his Grandparents four days per week. I work Monday to Thursday having Fridays at home with him which I absolutely love. In an ideal world I wouldn’t go out to work at all but we have bills to pay so reality means I have no other choice. I’m desperately conscious of the fact that I only spend 3 hours a day with Little Mr and those precious 3 hours are often filled with the car journey home, cooking the dinner and our bath and bedtime routine. Therefore I’m always trying to ensure we spent quality time together on my day off and at weekends. I know it’s normal life but why do I feel so bloody guilty about not spending time with him. In all honesty, I’m insanely jealous that his Grandparents get to spend all the good hours with him when he’s at his best but then that’s my fault isn’t it for going to work.

On Sunday night, Little Mr had an awful nights sleep. He’s still teething and had been grouchy pretty much all day. He went to bed absolutely fine but come 2am he was crying and got very upset to the point where he was sobbing and couldn’t catch his breath. After applying all my usual techniques and 3 hours later, he was still awake and screaming. For the record, I don’t believe he wasn’t screaming in pain, he was overtired and didn’t know what to do with himself for the best. Knowing that I had to be up, showered, dressed and in work in just over 3 hours time, I picked him up, gritted my teeth and told him in my tired and frustrated state to go to sleep before putting him back into his cotbed. I’ve never done that before and boy did I feel guilty for it.

As I picked up Little Mr on Monday evening he cried as his Grandad tried to put his coat on him and he didn’t want to be passed to me on the doorstep as we do every night. I felt like the worse Mummy in the world that my baby didn’t want to come home with me. Of course, I’m totally relating the two events and I could be wrong but it just feels like an awful coincidence to me. So, yes I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty since Monday morning and I really hope he won’t remember it.

Have you experienced Mummy guilt? Why do we do it to ourselves when we’re clearly just trying to do the best for our little ones. 

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  • Reply Han

    It’s not the same but I know while pregnant I’ve been grouchy and tired while still holding the fort together. I’ve sometimes not been particularly friendly to be around and know that Our Sidekick has suffered because of that. Thankfully he’s been really grown up with it and usually just leaves me to cool off or gives me a hug while I cry and we make up. He’s 15 and he gets it but if I think if he was younger he wouldn’t get it. I feel so bad each time it happens and sometimes it’s over the tiniest little thing that isn’t even worth the falling out. Hope Little Mr feels better soon.

    15/05/2014 at 12:07 am
  • Reply Clearlybex

    Hey, I know exactly where your coming from…. 3.30am and I’m awake with Leah who’s decided it’s playtime and wants to go downstairs. As both L&L were at LittleMr’s age I frequently had nights like yours, and its horrid but sometimes a bit of tough love is needed. Theres is nothing wrong leaving your child to self settle, does he have music in his room? Both mine did and it soothed them loads. As for the issue with grandparents I dont think LittleMr intended to hurt you in that way, its just the end of the day and he’ll be tired. I hope this hrlps in some way, your certainly not alone in this respect. Xx

    15/05/2014 at 3:49 am
  • Reply Donna

    I constantly have Mummy Guilt and I’m sure I’ll feel it more often when I’m back at work – I think it’s a natural part of parenting – We’ve all been there -hugs- x

    15/05/2014 at 11:03 pm
  • Reply Super Busy Mum {Debs}

    Mummy guilt is a horrible thing. Mostly we’re being complete worry warts and after a few minutes of upset they get distracted and forget all about Mummy leaving and focus on the fun things in front of them. Try not to let it get to you so much, he’ll not remember any of it. Your doing your best hun, which is all we can ever do.

    Thanks so much for linking up! #MMWBH xx

    20/05/2014 at 11:05 pm
  • Reply @unpreparedmum

    I go back to work Monday week…I may have this to come :(

    30/05/2014 at 10:47 pm
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