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My Saturday evening waffle…

On Friday evening after Little Mr had gone to bed, hubby and I sat down in the same room for more than ten minutes and we talked. We talked about our day, what Little Mr had done throughout the day, how long he had slept, what he had eaten, what our plans were for the weekend and we made plans for the rest of 2014.

You might think talking in the same room with your hubby is pretty normal, it is in most cases, but due to hubby’s medical condition, we’ve not been able to do this for a while. I was getting used to, and quite frustrated by, him falling asleep on me mid-conversation. I was getting rather paranoid that he was finding me that boring, I was driving him to sleep! It was brilliant, we spoke for a couple of hours and I really felt like we were both connected again. I’ve missed that. I’ve missed having someone to properly talk to, to pour out my worries and get reassurance that everything’s going to be okay. It sounds rather dramatic as we’ve not gone our separate ways but we’ve just been existing together rather than living and enjoying each others company.

I know I waffled on last week about things getting back on track and I really feel like they are now. Hubby gets his very own c-pap machine on Monday to keep for life, Little Mr is getting better after his cold and the rollercoaster temperatures we had to deal with in the week and I finally feel like I can get myself organised, plan the next couple of months and get this….relax a little and enjoy family time again!

But I need to find me again. I feel like I’ve slipped into some sort of monotonous routine that is just go, go, go. Work, eat and sleep around looking after Little Mr and making sure the house is in clean and safe enough condition for us to live in. I don’t have time to worry about the little things but I need to. I need to get back on the diet with vengeance. I need to lose weight, I need to wear more make up, I need to wear more fashionable clothes that suit me instead of clothes suited for my ample plus-sized frame! I need to catch up and get ahead..

I’ve thought about pulling the plug on my blog to give myself more time but I don’t think I can do it. Where else can I pour my heart out and get all my jumbled thoughts down on the screen. I know it’s time consuming but I enjoy it. Why should I give up something I enjoy? I need to say ‘No’ more often, I need to stop worrying about how my blog looks to other people and remember why I started blogging in the first place. I have met so many lovely people through blogging and I get so much support from them that I worry I wouldn’t get that if I gave up. I hate the words “give up”.. Giving up is a sign of weakness and that’s not me, I’m not a quitter! So excuse the reviews that will soon fill the blog for a while, I’ve got some beauties lined up and I hope you like them.

Off to bed I go, hubby can get up with the little one for some quality Father and Son time in the morning and I can make a start on being organised, wish me luck!

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11 Comments

  • Reply Midge

    Massive hugs hun – glad hubby is doing better! You are doing a fab job hun don’t be so hard on yourself and make sure you cut yourself some slack every now and again! Give yourself time and breathe! xxx

    02/03/2014 at 12:35 pm
    • Reply Emma Shilton

      Thanks Midge, I really appreciate that xxx

      02/03/2014 at 8:21 pm
  • Reply Donna

    Really glad you’re not giving up blogging although I think we all reach that stage at some point – I’m wondering how I’ll continue blogging and juggling family life when I go back to work in a few months.
    It must be so nice to have your Husband back, properly and be able to start spending quality time together again x

    02/03/2014 at 8:37 pm
  • Reply Sonia

    I have thought about pulling the plug on my blogs to give me more time but honestly I just think I need to learn to manage my time a bit better, we have time to do all of it I’m sure ;)

    I so hear you about finding yourself again I’m stuck there right now trying to claw my way out of the same shiz everyday!

    Great that you and hubby got to sit and talk, it’s good to talk apparently ;) xx

    03/03/2014 at 2:22 pm
  • Reply Kirsty Hijacked By Twins

    It is easy, at the best of times to loose yourself once you’ve got children, but when you’re also coping with a poorly hubby I can see how its happened. I know its easy to say but a bit of you time would do you the world of good. Hope you manage it, says the person that doesn’t have 2 minutes! Good luck #blogclub

    03/03/2014 at 2:24 pm
  • Reply oana79

    Oh, lovely, so feel for you! Since baby came we have been ourselves, existing in the same space but not enjoying each other and and know the toll it takes on a relationship. I am happy for you, happy things are getting back on track and to some normality. Keep on blogging, this is the one thing I found keeps me sane during depressing days, difficult nights and never worry about what others think!

    03/03/2014 at 2:38 pm
  • Reply Laura

    Communication is very important in a relationship and I’m glad to hear you and your hubby are getting back on track. Blogging can be very time consuming, so if you need to take some time out then do so, but not for too long, as we will miss you #blogclub

    03/03/2014 at 4:06 pm
  • Reply Vicky Myers

    This is a perfectly timed post for me, I had completely forgotten the aspect of sleep apnoea of falling asleep all the time. I’ve been having a resentful week, moaning to myself that since the c pap entered our lives I am the one that deals with nightmares, bed wetting, early starts with the kids – I should be celebrating a healthy successfully treated husband:)
    All the best finding you, and balancing blogging and family life.

    03/03/2014 at 6:27 pm
  • Reply LearnerMother

    Really glad you had a proper catch up with your other half! And I feel for you with the finding yourself bit – I often wonder if I shouldn’t drop the blog too, because it’d be one less thing to worry about, and then I wonder how I’d manage without it! Good luck x #blogclub

    03/03/2014 at 8:30 pm
  • Reply Jo @ 3 Kids and a Gluestick

    Really glad you had a good chat with your hubby. It can be hard to do that at the end of a busy day anyway, without the added complication of illness. So pleased you are getting back on track and hope you find some time to yourself soon xxx

    03/03/2014 at 8:56 pm
  • Reply nutritious deliciousness

    no plug pulling! I’ve seen some do it and then come back, keep it so its a pleasure rather than a chore (could do with taking my own advice!). Sorry to hear your hubby unwell, I have one too, worrying when we have little ones x

    03/03/2014 at 8:58 pm
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