My first week back at work is done. It’s been tough, there have been multiple tears and it’s been exhausting. The actual being back in work isn’t all that bad although I can’t remember a thing and I feel like I’m a new person although I know the ladies sitting around me. The logistics of making sure Little Mr is where he is supposed to be and with the essentials he needs for the day ahead is new and a bit of a brain ache to me. For three days of the week, he is with hubby’s parents who live locally and for one day he’s with my Mom who lives 16 mile away from our home.
Due to childcare issues, my initial plans of going back to work full-time, term time only had to be scrapped and now I’m working four days per week all through the year. They say every black cloud has a silver lining and although we hadn’t budgeted for me to work part-time, I do get one day a week with my Little Mr and I really do treasure the time we get to spend together. So after four days at work, I’ve had today with just my Little Mr reflecting on the week (doing very little as it’s been just a little tiring).
On Monday night, I sat in Little Mr’s room watching him sleeping sobbing my heart out. I’d seen him for a grand total of 3 hours the whole day and that really upset me. I’ve been spending pretty much 12 hours with him from when he woke up to when he was going to bed in the evening (minus naps) and I’ve loved every minute. Little Mr isn’t a troublesome baby, he’s not needy or a crier so I’ve had pretty much joy from him for the whole of the last 9 months. Seeing him for such a short amount of time is going to take some adjusting.
On Wednesday evening, I drove over to my Parents house and Little Mr and I spent the night in my old bedroom as my Mom was looking after Little Mr for the whole of Thursday. I figured it was easier for me to stay the night with him so a) he could get used to the cot b) my Mom and Dad didn’t have to worry about him during the night c) I’m not ready to leave him overnight yet. It didn’t go too well. Little Mr decided he hated Nanny’s bath and got himself really upset. This unsettled him and he wouldn’t drop off to sleep. He ended up in my single bed with me wedged between the wall and my body where he managed to fall asleep and once he was fast asleep I put him in the cot.
It wasn’t a brilliant night of sleep as I was worried about Little Mr and I’d forgotten how noisy my Parents house can be. I got up at 6am and by 7am I was ready to head to work bleary eyed but awake, dressed and ready to go. After cuddles and a kiss from Little Mr (who was in a fabulously smiley mood) I got in the car and began to drive the 23 miles to my work in the west of Birmingham. I checked my travel apps on my phone, no reported problems on the M6, great I thought and joined the M6 to travel a couple of miles to join a massive queue and to move roughly 10 miles an hour for pretty much the whole journey. To top my journey off, an accident happened just in front of me where a van pulled in front of a HGV and the vans bumper flew off in my direction narrowly missing my car with about an inch to spare. I wasn’t enjoying this journey. An hour and a half later, I arrived at work in tears. I’d had enough. I was hungry (I forgot to bring some breakfast) thirsty and frustrated, tired and pretty annoyed that despite my efforts to get to work on time, I was 30 minutes late. Next week I’m avoiding the motorway but I refuse to leave any earlier.
When I finally got home on Thursday evening after driving back to and from my Parents house to collect Little Mr, again the tears flowed. I was exhausted. I’d had enough of thinking about everything and I just needed to switch off. I went to sleep at 10:15pm and slept pretty well, waking up to check the time (it was 4:10am) and trying to remember what day it was.
Next week, I’m going to try it all over again but will have hubby to help out in the evenings. I’ve realised I’m not coping very well with our situation at the moment and tears are the only way I get a release. I’m feeling pretty stressed and feel quite overwhelmed with trying to break in a new routine. I wonder how many weeks we’ll have to struggle through until this becomes the norm. Fingers crossed it won’t be too many.