I’ve been back at work now for 3 weeks and if i’m honest, I’m feeling pretty stressed out. Being in work isn’t actually that bad, I still feel like my ‘work’ brain is missing and all the information I should know has gone AWOL.
I’m missing Little Mr terribly throughout the day. I see him for about 15 minutes of a morning before I drop him off at his Grandparents (still in his pyjamas) and when I pick him up of an evening he looks taller, older, he’s trying to do something new and I’m missing out. Not only that but he’s grouchy because he’s hungry and he’s tired. I get to see him for about 2.5 hours if that so I find myself sitting his room watching him sleep just so I can be near him.
Little Mr isn’t settling at my parents house overnight either. Due to the distance between our homes, it’s easier for me to stay over night with Little Mr at my Parents house rather than get up at stupid o’clock in the morning to take him over and drive on to work. For some unknown reason, Little Mr will not fall asleep at his usual time at my Parents house in an evening. He gets so worked up, we have hysterical tears, he gets hot and bothered and he just wont relax. He won’t even let me cuddle It’s so odd as he will happily sleep in the travel cot during the day in my Moms lounge but at night he just wont settle in the cot upstairs. On Thursday, Little Mr didn’t fall asleep until 10:30pm, but he was in the single bed with me. I eventually transferred him into the cot and he slept until 6:30am but it’s so heartbreaking seeing him so upset.
At home, hubby is still suffering with his sleep problems. We’re sleeping apart so we don’t disturb each other but I hate it. I miss him. As soon as the jobs are done at home of an evening we’re both shattered and go our separate ways to bed. I know it’s only temporary (I really hope it’s only temporary) but I don’t like it and it’s making me worry about stuff that’s not even happened yet.
I’m also feeling really sad and get upset thinking about my friend who passed away in June. She was the same age as me with two little boys. I feel so so sad that they’re growing up without their Mummy. It was her birthday last week so I took some flowers to her resting place. I feel guilty that I didn’t do enough with her before she died. I know I can’t change anything but I just feel like I could of tried harder to be there for her despite being on maternity leave, the distance we lived apart and me being unable to drive for 10 weeks post birth. I know i’m grieving for her but don’t know how to get past the tears.
The weightloss plan isn’t really a plan at the moment. I’m eating whatever and whenever I can but I need to get better at planning very quick filling meals for us all. Eating a single omelette for dinner at 8:30pm isn’t ideal.
Thanks for sticking with me, blogging about it all definitely helps as does planning my Baby’s First Christmas, family time is crucial at the moment and is keeping me sane!