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Still feeling stressed…

I’ve been back at work now for 3 weeks and if i’m honest, I’m feeling pretty stressed out. Being in work isn’t actually that bad, I still feel like my ‘work’ brain is missing and all the information I should know has gone AWOL.

I’m missing Little Mr terribly throughout the day. I see him for about 15 minutes of a morning before I drop him off at his Grandparents (still in his pyjamas) and when I pick him up of an evening he looks taller, older, he’s trying to do something new and I’m missing out. Not only that but he’s grouchy because he’s hungry and he’s tired. I get to see him for about 2.5 hours if that so I find myself sitting his room watching him sleep just so I can be near him.

Little Mr isn’t settling at my parents house overnight either. Due to the distance between our homes, it’s easier for me to stay over night with Little Mr at my Parents house rather than get up at stupid o’clock in the morning to take him over and drive on to work. For some unknown reason, Little Mr will not fall asleep at his usual time at my Parents house in an evening. He gets so worked up, we have hysterical tears, he gets hot and bothered and he just wont relax. He won’t even let me cuddle  It’s so odd as he will happily sleep in the travel cot during the day in my Moms lounge but at night he just wont settle in the cot upstairs. On Thursday, Little Mr didn’t fall asleep until 10:30pm, but he was in the single bed with me. I eventually transferred him into the cot and he slept until 6:30am but it’s so heartbreaking seeing him so upset.

At home, hubby is still suffering with his sleep problems. We’re sleeping apart so we don’t disturb each other but I hate it. I miss him. As soon as the jobs are done at home of an evening we’re both shattered and go our separate ways to bed. I know it’s only temporary (I really hope it’s only temporary) but I don’t like it and it’s making me worry about stuff that’s not even happened yet.

I’m also feeling really sad and get upset thinking about my friend who passed away in June. She was the same age as me with two little boys. I feel so so sad that they’re growing up without their Mummy. It was her birthday last week so I took some flowers to her resting place. I feel guilty that I didn’t do enough with her before she died. I know I can’t change anything but I just feel like I could of tried harder to be there for her despite being on maternity leave, the distance we lived apart and me being unable to drive for 10 weeks post birth. I know i’m grieving for her but don’t know how to get past the tears.

The weightloss plan isn’t really a plan at the moment. I’m eating whatever and whenever I can but I need to get better at planning very quick filling meals for us all. Eating a single omelette for dinner at 8:30pm isn’t ideal.

Thanks for sticking with me, blogging about it all definitely helps as does planning my Baby’s First Christmas, family time is crucial at the moment and is keeping me sane!

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3 Comments

  • Reply Fi

    Totally normal for a change in sleeping pattern when routine is changed my sweets. Email me if you’d like some help? You’re a working wonderful mum. Don’t feel guilty snd dont worry – it’ll just take a little while to adjust to the new routine. Here if you need me x

    30/11/2013 at 2:09 am
  • Reply Lucy

    Hey honey bun. I wish I was nearer so I could give you a great big hug!!! :-( You poor thing it all sounds really overwhelming for you guys at the moment. You’re doing amazingly, it’s only 3 weeks in to this big change & Olly will get to grips with it before you know it. That’ll make things far easier. Please keep remembering that his distress is only temporary and he won’t remember this at all…it’s you that is suffering, and beating yourself up no doubt?! Try not too, you’re doing an amazing job, and going back to work is for Olly’s benefit remember so you can afford to do and have lovely things.
    Rubbish that you’re having to sleep apart from Greg, I hope that sorts itself out soon, can he get some help with his sleeping issues??
    As for losing your friend, grieving is just the worst thing, I sympathise so much as I’ve been there too many times myself. It will get easier, but in the meantime it’s just a case of going through the motions. It’s hard when the person we lose is our age, and so unbelievably sad that she’s left two wonderful boys. Life is so utterly rubbish and cruel sometimes.
    As for the weightloss please don’t stress about that at the moment, you’ve got bigger fish to fry!! You’re only adding stress to an already highly stressful time if you start putting pressure on yourself to achieve weightloss among all that’s going on. That can come next once Olly has adjusted, you’re back into a routine at work, and your back snuggling Greg at night. There’s no hurry! And anyway it’s Christmas so soon and NOBODY loses weight over Christmas :-)
    Big big giant squishy hugs and if you need a proper chat you know where I am.
    Luce xxxx

    30/11/2013 at 2:11 am
  • Reply Kate

    Me and my husband have been doing deprecate beds for the last two months since our daughter was born, it’s rubbish isn’t it? You sound like you’ve got loads on, be kind to yourself, you are doing your best x

    30/11/2013 at 4:28 am
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