In just a couple of weeks, my amazing time at home with my gorgeous Little Mr will be over. It’s time to go back to work. I’m not thrilled by this in the slightest, in fact I feel rather depressed by it. The 8 months that I have spent with my Little Mr have been absolutely brilliant. We’ve had such a great time cramming in as much as possible and looking back, we’ve probably crammed in more in such a short space of time than some people do in years in their own lifetime.
I’m going back to work to a job I know I am good at. I’m a qualified Human Resources professional and have worked hard to get to where I am but life as a Mummy has changed me. I was very naive last December thinking it would be ‘easy’ to leave Little Mr with family whilst I went back to work but now the reality is smacking me right between the eyes and it hurts. It really hurts.
I’m not saying that I don’t want to work, I do. I don’t expect things to be handed to me on a plate, I like to earn money and provide the extra pennies for us to spend each month but I feel so guilty about leaving him. I know he is going to be absolutely fine, he is. He’s going to be with family who love him and will give him the attention he needs but I feel so guilty. If I’m honest, I’m probably feeling a little bit jealous too, I want to spend all day with my Son watching him perfect his crawl or listening to him saying first words but unless he does those things first thing in the morning or late afternoon, I’m going to miss them and I’m quite upset about that.
I’m having to return to work full time (term time only) as financially as a family we cannot afford for me to work any less. It’s our own fault, we spent beyond our means after we finished university buying and setting up our first home and I know we are incredibly lucky that we don’t have to pay for childcare but I really wish it was different. I hate that I’ve got to leave him for hours on end, day after day but it’s something I’ve got to do.
So colleagues who read my blog, apologies for being a miserable cow when I come back to work, I know I will be kept busy so I can get through the day and back to my little man, and sorry for the tears that will flow for at least the first few days (or weeks!) For all those women who think that having a baby won’t change them, i’m sorry you’re wrong. Being a mum will make you see things in a completely different light, you will become selfless and your heart will ache for the tiny person you’ve created when they cry.
Working mums, how do you do it? How did you cope with going back to work? Does it get any easier leaving your little one? Any words of encouragement will be hugely appreciated!