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Too much too soon..

My little boy is now 29 days old and it really has been a whirlwind of a month. I can’t quite believe where the time has gone. We’re slowing developing a pattern of sleeping and feeding; waking at around 2-3am for a feed then sleeping through until 6-7am. Although Olly is sleeping well, I wish I could say the same. ‘They’ say sleep when baby sleeps which is far easier said than done. I’m finding I’m awake well before Olly in the middle of the night waiting for him to stir then when I go back to bed after the early morning feed it takes me a while to drop off. After the 7am (ish) feed I struggle to fall back to sleep, I should be sleeping when baby is sleeping but I can’t. Not sure why, just find it difficult to drop off. I did, however fall asleep on the sofa at the end of last week only to be rudely awoken by Mikey barking his head off as the gas man is at the front door wanting to read the meter, followed by a couple of Jehovah Witnesses inviting me and my family to a community event and then the postman knocking the door down and the bin men noisily emptying the bins in the street.

I had a bit of a wobble last week. I’m definitely guilty of feeling under a bit of pressure to get myself up and about and into some sort of routine. I can’t place the blame on anyone specifically, I’m probably guilty of trying to be my old self too soon. The truth is, I’m not my old self anymore, I’m a Mummy and I’ve had a major operation. I’m still bleeding and I’m still taking antibiotics for the infection in my c-section scar. My hormones are still a bit all jumbled up so I guess I tried to get back to normal a bit too soon. I feel guilty for not doing more around the house but I’m shattered and it’s not fair to ask hubby to do it when he’s been at work all day. Does it get easier? I bloody hope so!

I signed up to Weight Watchers last Tuesday in the hope of getting back on the wagon but have failed miserably. I know I need to lose weight again as I don’t enjoy wearing my fat clothes again (although my tummy is still slightly swollen from the op) and I can see my face has ballooned but I need to work out how to fit it into my new life with Olly. I need to stop eating chocolate and eat healthily. I’m not weighing in until next Tuesday as I’ve got a ticket to see Olly Murs in Birmingham tomorrow night so I’m thinking Wednesday morning I should start as I mean to go on, no excuses.

I heard some really sad news on Saturday evening that one of the girls in my birth group (her baby was due on the same day as Olly) had given to her baby boy on the same day as I had Olly but unfortunately he was born sleeping. From what we know, his cord had got compressed during labour and he stopped breathing. I’m completely gutted for her, we had shared weekly pregnancy updates on the group sharing the same due date so I’m feeling incredibly lucky that my little Olly came into the world safely and I was given the chance to be his Mummy. I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through and my heart aches for her. Rest in peace little William, too precious for this world xxx

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5 Comments

  • Reply Lucy

    Oh what dreadful news, that’s the most unimaginable thing to go through. Makes me very frightened, I don’t think I’ll relax until my baby is safely in my arms, then I’ll worry about him/her for the rest of my life anyway. That poor couple. Makes you feel so lucky to have Olly safely with you I’m sure.
    You’re doing a grand job sweetie & can’t be expected to conquer the world & everything in it just yet. You’ll get there. Just concentrate on these precious times with Olly & the rest will follow. Big hugs xxxx

    11/03/2013 at 6:33 pm
  • Reply Jo

    So sorry to hear about your friend :-( don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You have had a major op and need to take time to recover. Don’t worry about your weight for the next couple of months. Just eat the best that you can. Try and do 1 thing a day with Olly and built up from there. Walk to the shops or go and visit your mum or something. Just take it easy otherwise you will suffer for it later. Enjoy the early days with Olly first as they grow up far too quick. Big hugs! Keep smiling :-)

    11/03/2013 at 8:01 pm
  • Reply Lauren Jewhurst (@laurenbigeejit)

    Sorry I’m only getting around to replying to this now. You’ve been on my mind. Wish I could just give you a big hug. I think you are amazing (I’ve said this before!) and it’s only natural that you should feel out of sorts still. Remember it’s only been 4-5 weeks, I know you probably can’t imagine life without Olly, but that’s actually not that long! It doesn’t help that you don’t feel 100% after your (major, remember) operation. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t let anyone tell you what you should/shouldn’t be doing. Just take it a day at a time. You’re a star!

    I’m also so sorry to hear about your friend :( What a horrible shock.

    Lots of love to you xxxxxxxxx

    13/03/2013 at 7:47 pm
    • Reply mrsshilts

      Thanks Lauren, you’re very kind. Hugs are greatly appreciated :) xx

      14/03/2013 at 8:16 am
  • Reply Lana

    Emma, I only wished I had have just relaxed a bit more- I know u get this urge to get all washed & ready and in control.. but youre putting too much pressure on yourself.. I was out walkiing with Blake when he was 5 days old and my elderly neighbour was quite shocked and thought I should be indoors still (And I knew it aswell..)relax, even if u cant sleep.. keep your feet up while u can and enjoy this time that u will never have again… especially after your op, look after yourself!! :D xx

    14/03/2013 at 10:33 pm
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